Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
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Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm |
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.
I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.
The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?
Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

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As the custodial parent, I wouldn't see my kids two evenings a week and every other weekend. As the non custodial parent, I could see them every day after school, my two evenings and every other weekend.
But again, it was a matter of having a provider who understood the needs of high needs and MET them...just like John's stepmom met them...just like I met them when I cared for her. By holding her when she needed to be clingy, even if it met going to the bathroom while she was along for the ride.
John's Dad and stepmom go to Myrtle Beach every year for a weeks' golf vacation. They go without kids. The first year they went after John's sister was born, John's stepmom had a co-worker care for the kids the first day they were gone and then John and I took over for the rest of the week. When I got there the 2nd day to relieve the co-worker, the co-worker informed me that she didn't truck with "coddling" babies and that it only took John's sister about an hour to stop fussing and be fine with being left to her own devices. Then we finished the transfer and the co-worker left.
John's sister began wailing the minute the woman walked out the door and when I took her out of the swing, she would NOT let me put her down....LITERALLY...for the first 24 hours I was with her. Not even for a second. I cooked holding her, washed dishes holding her, did the laundry, played games with John's brother while I kept holding her. I had to go to the bathroom holding her...I even had to sleep with her on my chest because she wouldNOT let go of me; she literally had a deathgrip on my jammies (and it was NO picnic getting into them while holding her, either). And while she has always been high needs, she was NEVER a long-term Velcro baby; she always had time throughout the day when she'd play happily on the floor or nearby--as long as she could see you. She wasn't having ANY of that; she was very clearly distraught by having had her needs "met" by the other sitter. It wasn't until the second day that she was finally willing to sit on the floor and play with toys, but again for the first couple of hours, I had to be within a hand's reach of her physically.
Once she realized I was there and willing to do what was necessary to meet her needs as SHE needed them (and not as other interpreted them), she was able to go back to being her usual high needs self, which did still involve a degree of being able to be a tidge on her own.
Ask me about high needs kids before John's sister was born and you'd have found someone rather skeptical about the whole deal. John's sister taught me a very humbling and important lesson; there ARE kids who need more than other kids. John was SO easy going and has never known a stranger. John's little brother is somewhat more reserved socially, but still, VERY easy going. John's little sister? Not so much and ignoring her different, more tactile needs makes her MORE clingy, not less so.
parents of high needs kids, whether SAH or WOH, in my experience, don't recommend or practice ignoring the need as a means of alleviating it...and that includes their choices in provider.
But I don't see that as an 'investment', per se.
"There in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I close my eyes, feel their beauty and follow where they lead."
In that, I agree with Suzymomm. Doesn't mean Dad's not fit or still shouldn't be awarded custody. Simply means the significance of his greater income is diminished as relevant to "fitness".
IOW, greater income is ONLY a major factor when the lesser income cannot achieve (or approach) the basics.
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