Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 7:11am
Jenna, we've been through this before, she said their needs come first. NEEDS. NEEDS. I may be putting words in her mouth, but the kind of thing I imagine when I hear this is, say, you really hate your job but your kid NEEDS to eat, you suck it up until you find something better so you meet your child's NEEDS. Not "Johnny needs to go to Disneyland, I'll shortchange my husband and myself for that."
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 7:46am
Nobody's needs should be put ahead of any other family member's needs. Child or adult. All family members should have their needs met before another family member has any of his desires met. But when it comes to things people want the children should not automatically come first.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:21am
"W]hen it comes to things people want the children should not automatically come first." She did NOT say that they should. We have had this exact same conversation before.

I've got to tell you, I can't think of a situation, though, where a parent's needs should come before those of the child they created. I would go hungry before I let my child do so and don't believe I know any parent who wouldn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:24am
I haven't attacked you, CLW. Not today, not yesterday. I'm asking why YOU are feigning ignorance of Savcal's situation, when we all know you've been a long time regular who was actively posting during her divorce and subsequent move back to OK.

furthermore, the one attacking posters has been YOU in your cold, mean-spirited insinuations that Savcal did something unsavory by having the unmitigated gall to move herself and her children to someplace where she could afford to raise them...an argument you're presumably in favor of. So why you would be attempting to score emotional points off her situation is beyond me.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:24am
I know we have been through this before and as long as it keeps coming up I will dispute it.

She wrote "I think that when we (as human beings, men and women alike) have children we are entering into a contract to put those childrens needs above our own."

I do not believe that the NEEDS of any one family member always trump the NEEDS of another family member. I do think that the NEEDS of any family member should come before the DESIRES of another. So if you are talking about the needs of a child outweighing the wants of an adult, yes the child should come first. But the needs of an adult should come before the desires of a child as well. I think when family members have competing needs the children do NOT always come first. You have to weigh the totality of the situation before you decide whose needs come first.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:24am

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:29am
Whoopsee...i thought your current game was pretending you aren't CLW.

And since I haven't "attacked" CLW, but merely voiced my opinions of "her" predictable, repetitive and lame arguments on this subject, even if you *were* CLW, which you claim not to be, I STILL cannot credibly be accused of attacking...her...you....whomever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:30am
blah, blah, blah. Same sorry lyric, same lame tune, no new insight....no old one, either.

yes, yes, yes, CLW, your repetitive, predictable, irrational, judgmental "opinion" on this topic has been logged and noted and most of us can recite it verbatim from memory.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:37am
Might you give an example, then, of when an adult's needs come before those of their child? I can't think of any that don't involve something like "parent will die w/o needed surgery" which I'm not really counting because death of the parent also further compromises the child's needs being met.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:47am
I don't have a viewpoint, apparently, since I am but a kept woman, not a person in my own right. I'll wait until my DH has a free moment in his schedule so he can tell me what I think, maybe after he's finished using me sexually. If he lets me, I'll get back to you.

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