Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:49am
I would have thought so, but as I am a Doctor's Wife and not a Person in my Own Right, I am incapable of speaking (yea, even thinking!) for myself. When it is convenient for my Doctor Husband's schedule, I'll ask him how he would respond and let you know. (That is, assuming he doesn't have any sexual demands or want his socks washed first.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:58am
Ok, so I understand better. It was a risk she'd take again, and so you don't feel you're taking a risk SAH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:00am
I will stop referencing people's ages in my posts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:08am
But despite the emotional trauma you did pull yourself together and get into a management training program and go on to WOH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:11am
But children can thrive in less optimal situations too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:12am
I certainly hope I could pull it together to WOH if I needed to. I think there is a big difference between being emotionally distraught by the idea of not living with your children (basically losing your children) and going to work for eight hours a day, five days a week.

I was somewhat unconcerned with his ability to make a living before marriage. When I met him he was the kind of guy who looked like his best prospect would be to manage a used record shop. We had a mutual desire to have a SAHP and back then, it would have been him who SAH because I was on my way to graduate school. Funny thing is, he got ambitious and I mellowed out. The only thing that affected me about his ability to make a living was that I think I would only be attracted to someone unafraid of hard work and someone who was smart. So right there, the makings of a person who has the potential to earn a living is already present.

Several years ago when my dh was swiftly climbing the corporate ladder and did not have much "balance" in his life, I used to complain to girlfriends that I wished I had married a high school math teacher, someone who was home before dinner each night. I didn't care if he made $30,000 a year or $300,000. A high-earning spouse is nice but it doesn't make up for the feeling that one is a single mother all alone in the struggle to raise children.

I think you are confusing the desire to BE a SAHP with the desire to HAVE a SAHP for your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:14am
Really. Have you ever been on a movie set?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:16am
Well...mostly, but you do seem to agree that a child's need for new jeans (too short, blown out knees) would be "less important" than medical attention or new glasses for Mom or Dad, right? I mean, as important as appropriate clothing is, sometimes it really is less important.

sometimes we really do have to prioritize the "needs", not just elevate needs over wants. Sometimes, ALL the choices are needs, and sometimes those choices demand that the needs of the parent come first.

sucks rocks, but there ya go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:27am

My weigh in on the priority of families is the same as the rest of you. I think you and Jenna and Cocoa agree but I could be reading it wrong.


Whoever needs the most care gets it. Period. It evovles and revovles. Devin needed care the most-he got it. While he was sick but steady, Alex had a major asthma attack and the ped. sent him straight to the ER. Alex got first priority and Devin got second priority at that time. Thank God, no one feel deathly ill at the same time.


I don't know how people do it when their families are in car wrecks and both kids are in the ICU. It has to be the worst possible situation.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:32am
You know, YOU are the one making this sound more melodramatic. My words were "Don't think I would be that functional of a human being while I was mourning the loss of my kids." I didn't say I would be unable to function. I think it is obvious I was stating I would be LESS functional than usual being preoccupied by what I would assume would be some major heartbreak. Knowing myself, if need be I would suck it up and do what I had to do as many parents would. But the whole point was that the whole situation wouldn't be so hunky dory as CLW puts it: Mom cheerfully pulls herself up by her bootstraps as she happily hands the kids over to Mr. Fat Wallet Daddy; everyone is pleased as punch and the kids get to live a life of higher SES, new school, new friends. Yippee. I don't think it is trivial to point out the emotional consequences (for both parent and children) of having a former SAHP hand off her children to the spouse.

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