Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:02am

what about the man who receives alimony.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:03am
I don't agree with all in you rlist, but I can see the argument in some of them.

HOWEVER, I completely disagree with moving away to be with someone new. You have a rsponsibility to your kids, once you have them, above you rpersonal desires. To allow the new Mr. Right to take your kids away from their other parent is selfish and wrong. Yes, you are allowed a new life and happiness, but not if that takes your kids away from the parent that you chose to give them.

Now if the NCP moves away to follow someone new, then #1, I question their committment to their kids and #2, then I'd see no reason to make the CP stay behind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:11am
Well, you and my son's stepmom share many many qualities, not the least of which is a big, warm, loving heart. That's the gift *I* got from my ex getting married (although to be blunt, he wasn't a divorced man, as we lived together for 13 years but never married). and I'm awfully glad she didn't let our past relationship and our son keep her from marrying him. I wasn't anything close to thrilled when they married, but I'm very VERY glad now.

I hope your sd's bio-mom has the good sense to appreciate you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:11am
You'll just have to accept that some marriages begin with love and romance and not by two people carrying a calculator around. Some of us don't see spouses as "economic units" to fear and armor ourselves against in case of divorce.

Should Savcal seek reimbursement in court for the times she did his laundry along with her own, picked up his dry cleaning with hers, bought groceries for him at the same time she bought them for the rest of the family, filled up the gas tank, cooked him meals, saw a spot of coffee on the couch and cleaned it off herself, etc.? Should we all keep a running tally of compensable damages in case of divorce? Should we all be living in fear? With so many women here living their lives in case of divorce (especially advocating woh when they'd prefer to sah), I wonder they have any time whatsoever to enjoy and be a part of a marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:13am
"I don't need anyone's permission to WOH, to support myself and my children.  It's fundamentally different from SAH, which can only arise from one person's willingness to financially support another person."

Not necessarily. There are jobs out there that literally require one partner to SAH. To take an extreme case, my dh's ability to accept a job in Switzerland depended literally on my willingness to accept being a SAHM for 3 years. I was legally not allowed to work in Switzerland. Had I refused to SAH, he would have been forced to accept a much worse position for much less pay. The salary I would have been able to earn minus the cost of dc would not have made up for the difference and there was the issue of prestige. I didn't ask for permission to SAH, dh asked for my willingness to sacrifice some years of my career in order to make it possible for him to accept the job. So my SAH didn't arise solely from dh's willingness to financially support me, it arose because that was the only way he would be able to accept the job he wanted. Most families doing international scientific post docs are put into similar positions at some point or another: in some cases, both husband and wife can arrange for separate visas, in other cases they can't. This doesn't depend on whether or not one has a PhD, btw, just on whether or not the same university is prepared to offer two post docs to one family (and it often doesn't work). In cases of career diplomats, the stakes are similar. The spouse of a career diplomat almost always MUST be SAH (pretty well regardless of whether there are kids involved or not). There is simply no way for a family to maintain two careers (or two jobs for that matter) when the family is moving all over the world and there is no guarantee that the spouse would legally be allowed to work.

Those are perhaps extreme cases, but there is the same tendency in families where one career is so demanding that, while not literally impossible, it would be very very difficult for the spouse to work.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:17am
Hollie, you have posted here long enough to know that just because people have differing views of what they find acceptabel behavior for themselves, and in throery for others, that is not a direct attack on you.

I have a good friend who is divorcing and seeking alimony right now. I'd never criticize her for that, becasue at this point in her life, she needs support not criticism. But then again, she hasn't introduced those details of her life into a debate board as support for her debate positions.

And at the same time, even though I support her emotionally as a friend, I know that her course of action would not be mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:20am
Actually it's about PNJ talking large about an emotional state she's never experienced and has ABSOLUTELY no insight into.

If you do and agree with her, hooray for you. I've known a few who do. But that doesn't invalidate the rest of us who find it VERY emotionally painful...even tho we still did it. A tidbit I included in my post that I'm not at all shocked to see you ignored.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:24am
I moved more than 4,000 miles for my ex's career...and stayed (at a distance of more than 800 miles from my extended family) so my son could be near him. My ex cheated constantly and if he hadn't decided he wanted one of the two OTHER women he was screwing around with regularly, the shameful truth is, I'd likely still be with him. Us breaking up was NOT my idea.

I don't begrudge your move nor think you did wrong by your kids, but every situation is different, even if they share many of the same facts...and the facts are that women are cheated on all the time and still stick around in the same area, even if they aren't originally from there.

Sometimes, it's best to stay, sometimes it's not. Cheating isn't really a relevant factor as a generalized rule. It was very relevant for your situation and not at all to mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:26am

Right in line behind you ... you go girl!!!

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:28am
Smarty pants ;)

I was back home this weekend for the 80 degree weather, but I spent all the week prior on travel to Phoenix, where it AVERAGED 98 degrees as the high temp...so let me tell your DS, quit whining! LOL (dry heat, my hiney)

Pages