Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:18am
Huh? My stance has nothing to do with SAH. I don't think its necessarily wise to SAH either. I sure didn't/don't want to to do it.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:20am

I don't agree with this.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:24am
I married my college sweetheart but waited a long time to do it. I'm actually one of those caught-in-between types who knew how risky marriage was (knew the rotten statistics,) was sufficiently cynical about the institution of marriage, and waited as long as I could to mitigate the possibility of divorce. I just happened to do it with the guy I met when I was 19 in electronic circuits class. Once my dh was ready to have children, I could stall no longer. (Although two of my three college roommates had children outside of marriage in their early thirties--nah, that wouldn't have worked for us as my dh is too heavily invested in Catholic tradition.)

So it isn't fair to say dh and I were young, romantic and in love. We were pretty crusty and curmudgeonly and in the kind of love engineers have (which is probably a bit different than the love English majors studying Byron have.)

What gets me is that even though I was properly cautious about marriage, took my time to make sure I was marrying the right guy and all, apparently I am still a financial disaster waiting to happen and I have scores of WOH women out there feeling sorry for my naive little butt because some day I am going to PAY for all this.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:30am
It's so not as cut and dried as you make it out to be. What about the emotional impact on the kids never knowing which "home" is truly home? What about changing schools/day care/etc.?

If the children would be better off with Mom (and you're saying this by saying "get the kids back"), they should be with Mom from the start.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:36am

Why should it be that dad has to leave if he has the kids.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:37am
Of course, but in those situations it would be beneficial for mom to have them.
Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:49am

This may sound mean, but

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:53am
In that sutuation os the WOHP not wanting custodym then they would pay instead.
Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:56am
It may be less extreme than a foreign diplomat or an immigrant whose family is only permitted one work visa, but dh's and my situation is still a cooperative effort that requires both of our "consent." He travels rather extensively and although it would not be impossible for me to continue to woh, doing so would lead to a crazy type-A lifestyle that neither of us wants for our family. Similarly, my job as an attorney in a large firm just doesn't lend itself to having a spouse who also has a demanding career.

Before I quit to sah, we considered several other possibilities, including dh quitting his job and working on his MBA while being the primary caregiver, or dh taking a less demanding job while I continued to work a reduced schedule. In the end, he didn't really want to do either of those things, and I did want to sah. But for those reasons, I do not feel at all like he "allows" me to sah. Nor do I feel "trapped" in any way. We're a team, and this is simply the means by which we have chosen to work toward our goal of raising a healthy, happy family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:59am

I agree.


Or maybe...the ex-wife would think differently about alimony is he knew she had to continue doing all those things even after the divorce.

Tonya
Tonya

Pages