Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:09pm
I probably know more WOHPs than I know SAHPs...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:12pm
You're not supposed to say anything.

It would be nice, however, if you realized that many families do not have the option to have one parent work a 40 hour week and have the other SAH. That many people need to work longer hours in order to maintain their careers, which in turn, put food on the table, pay the bills, clothe the kids, etc. That many people (gasp) ENJOY their careers or college courses and spending time at their jobs/school make them a richer, more fulfilled person and therefore able to be a better parent. It would be nice if you realized that this wasn't a "selfish" act on the parent's part.

Forgive me b/c I'm sure you've said before, but what is it that you and/or your DH do again? Did you both get all your schooling out of the way before you had children and choose a career path that was limited to 40/hour workweeks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:14pm
I don't know what to say.. I mean, we fought a LOT when we were dating, but it seems like we got it out of the way or something... if we disagree on something, we discuss it until we agree... I can't even remember getting in a big fight in the 5 years since we've been married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:14pm

I know lots of families one SAHP.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:19pm
I'm not talking about not seeing your children *at all* every week, that's a huge exaggeration on your part.

You can enroll in a college fulltime or have a job that requires you to work more than 40 hours/week and still see your children. It isn't an "either or" thing as you're making it out to be. So no, the answer isn't *obvious* to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:20pm
No, I got surprise pregnant at 20... and I can recognize all that stuff you said, but I still think it's selfish to work 60-70-80 hrs a week when they have kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:22pm
Well, since I said the two things I thought were selfish were "going to medical school" and "working 60-70-80 hrs a week"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:25pm
No, you said school.

>>I just don't agree with going to *school* or working 60-70-80 hrs a week when they have kids... I find it incredibly selfish, which is why we would never do it.<< (my emphasis)



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:29pm
By which you could infer that I meant going to school for 60-70-80 hrs a week OR working 60-70-80 hrs a week.... and if you had read any of my previous posts in the thread on the subject, I DID say medical school, and that's what the poster I was responding to in that post and I were talking about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:40pm
I agree that no one *needs* to work 60-80 hours/week to put food on the table. But many people do need to work this much in order to maintain their careers. Auto mechanics maybe can get by on fewer hours, I don't really know b/c I'm not one.

However, people in my field, or the medical field, or in many white collar professions cannot. So I guess according to you these people should either not have children or should pursue these occupations after their kids are out of the house b/c otherwise they're being selfish?

>>As to "not supposed to say anything" well, IRL, I couldn't care any less what other people do, but this IS a debate board ya know, so I'm going to go ahead and have my opinion.<<

I didn't mean you *couldn't* say anything . . . my comment was in response to your rather flippant: "So I'm supposed to say "I wouldn't choose it for my family because... I don't feel like it"? Like I said, you're not *supposed* to say anything. Just open your mind a bit to the fact that there are many people who are wonderful, loving parents who work 60 hour workweeks or who attend medical school.

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