Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
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Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm |
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.
I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.
The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?
Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

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After thinking about this, I remember that the only time I've felt like a "subordinate" in my marriage was when I worked. DH had the dream job, while I hauled butt on the subway to (shudder) the Bronx, Brooklyn, etc. (I only took a car if with a partner or going outside the city.) I made less money than DH too and knew I wouldn't make partner. I was totally envious. He didn't really understand it, and it wasn't even an issue in his mind. He never looked down at me whatsoever for making less money. He was just happy and lucky to have me in his life, as he should be. But when I became a sahm, he clarified that he could never do my job and is glad I've given up woh to stay with the children. He says this often, so I feel appreciated and know I'm no longer subordinate, but am doing something he admits he can't do. It's little-minded of me, but I finally feel like I'm contributing something to this marriage that he values and that he can't do. Also, there is now and never was any pressure in this marriage to make DH happy. I'm sure he'd be happier with more of a sex life, but my youngest is finally turning one, sleeping really well, and that too should improve! He's patient and knows he's lucky to have found me.
I am just flat out tired of explaning to you what it means for some of us to SAH. You just don't seem to WANT to understand. I have tried hard not to point out how twisted some of your ideas of marriage seem to me because it isn't really nice to point out such things. I have tried hard not to point out that it is obvious that you cannot function without the kudos you get from working. It is too much a part of who you are. Now, you may see that as the ultimate good thing. I actually think it takes a more evolved, more enlightened person to let that go, to feel good about oneself without the external pats-on-the-back gained from WOH. It takes strength of character to get most of your validation from yourself and a small group of people who respect what you do.
I have invested many hours here trying to persuade you, to get you to gain an understanding, to see there can be value to SAH but I am afraid you are hopeless. You must be hard-wired to not value SAH. Or you secretly do value it but know that you are married to someone who would never consider it so you stuff it down the "secret desires that will never be realized" chute.
I don't care anymore. I used to get something out of coming here to express my thoughts. I used to enjoy the mental challenge. There is a fabulous sense of community to be gained from this forum. But it is so not worth it when there is someone begging to know what you life is like, you provide the details ad nauseum and then she tells you you're a piece of crap.
I'm so over it.
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ITA!!! In my family, my mom did all of the housework, when she stayed at home. At one point during my childhood, my dad was working only one job (24-hr shifts 10 days a month-- he was a fire fighter, and most of the time worked on his off days as a contractor). When this happened, my dad was in charge of cooking dinner, laundry, dishes, etc. Then, when my mom quit her job, she was once again in charge of everything.
I do NOT think you're a piece of crap.
I do not see getting validation from WOH and mother roles as being inferior to getting validation fron your mother role only.
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