Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:55am

"I personally could not imagine SAH after all of my children were in school, but I can see the advantages of SAH, before they reach school age. "


But then what do you do to get kids to after school activities?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:56am
Just to throw in my 2 cents.

--My dh leaves the house at 6am and comes home at 6pm, which adds up to 60 hours/week. He spends plenty of time, in our opinion, with our dd.

--There were few moms/dads who were in my med school class. They saw their kids a lot more than some people with FT jobs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:57am
Forgot to add - of course you don't know me, but no, not a single person would dare criticize our decision to each WOH after having children to our faces LOL!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:59am

I agree with your first paragraph.


Since I'm not in a family where my SAH would be equal in contribution to the family as my spouse's WOH, I just don't see it as equal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:59am
Whether it's a "power struggle" is dependent on how the people view it. If the disagreement is about where to go on vacation, but the argument goes something like "I should get to make the final decision because I have the upper hand in this relationship" then it's a power struggle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:01am

If I were a SAH, I wouldn't be going on vacation to get away from my job.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:01am
In a previous thread, many people here said that their dh's come home after 7pm, but felt that they spent enough time with their kids. My dh goes to work at 6am and comes home around 6pm. That's 12 hours/day, 60 hours/week. I don't think he that he doesn't spend enough time with our dd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:03am

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Yes and no.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:04am

Forgive me for being dense, but are you actually serious?


Maureen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:04am
As usual, two thumbs up for your post.

"It is just as much a luxury for someone to be able to pursue one's dream career at the potential expense of another's career." That's our situation to a "T." I very much enjoyed my career at the time we decided to move so that DH could get more training in the specialty he wanted, which is not necessarily any better compensated than being a generalist, and still enjoyed it very much at the time I gave it up to SAH. I lost six figures of income and benefits by giving it up. It's not something I would dream of expecting him to show "gratitude" for me having done because it was our mutual choice, for our mutual benefit, and as such there's absolutely nothing to resent or make up for. Considering that Felicia has said she has never done anything she didn't really want to do because it was for the benefit of her spouse or family, I also doubt she's going to be "getting it" either.

"I am enormously grateful to dh for his intelligence, kindness, warmth, sense of humour and for just plain who he is and the feeling is mutual. Neither one of us is grateful to the other for being a 'good provider', we take it for granted that we (as a single economic unit) have the duty to support our family, however the actual structure goes. We have food on the table, a good roof over our heads and clothes on our back, and we have structured our family both with one SAHP and two WOHPs depending on what worked best for us as a family at any given point in time. I certainly don't think that having a SAHP is a universally applicable benefit, some families definetly function better with a SAHP, others don't....just as having two WOHPs is not a universal need but many families definitely function better with two WOHPs." Couldn't agree more.




Edited 5/5/2004 11:07 am ET ET by cocoapop

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