Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:22am
Ah, I missed that implication. Absolutely right, SAH is not an endless vacation especially not in the first few years.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:25am
And I bet you work far less than 70 hrs a week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:26am

"When they do go back to work, the families often also juggle the school breaks, hours etc. just like you will have to. "


No, actually, once the kids are too old for a nanny, we'll have an au pair/housekeeper/driver so we won't have to juggle anything.


Nothing's guaranteed of course, but if we want to retire on time, we're best off sticking with our current jobs and building up our 401ks.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:27am
That's fine for you.. I just don't agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:31am

Good post.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:34am
Because you insensitively suggested that not only should an ex begrudge her alimony, but he should go a step further and seek reimbursement for money spent during the marriage. You: "I'm curious - why don't you think you should reimburse him for all the financial support you received while the two of you were married? You made a choice to be underemployed." Me: That's pretty harsh and even the militant WOHMs here hadn't suggested being that insensitive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:34am
By juggling I meant finding a solution to the issue of afterschool hours, holidays etc., not necessarily struggling to cope. Many people use au pairs, many others use summer camps, many have families or friends that help make things run smoothly. Why are you assuming that most families would have problems or not be able to find solutions merely because at one point there was a SAHP in the family?? We cover most of the vacations because we have that much vacation that we can use. If we didn't have that, we'd most likely opt for an au pair.

"Nothing's guaranteed of course, but if we want to retire on time, we're best off sticking with our current jobs and building up our 401ks."

Sure, assuming your jobs are absolutely safe, your 401ks don't go belly up the way they did for a large number of people in the dotcom crash, neither one of you gets chronically or terminally ill, one of the kids doesn't get chronically or terminally ill...etc....etc. Do you really think you are immune to the fortunes of life?

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:38am
If I thought that marriage equalled "power struggle," there's no way that I'd be in a marriage. Who needs that? My marriage isn't perfect, and there are times when we are in conflict, but no way do I see it as a continual power struggle. Yuck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:40am
My dh does a lot voluntarily, however, he doesnt clean up after himself along the way. he waits until i finally say, "are you going to clean that up, or do we have to live with your slop as well?" several days later as i try to give him the benefit of the doubt and not be a "nag". to me its just natural common sense, if you make a mess, you clean it up. isnt that the rule of thumb??? yes you are waaaaaaaay more diplomatic and nice about it, but it baffles me why i have to ask a grown man to put his clothes in the hamper, clean up his tools after a project, put the bills in the folder where they belong, etc, etc. i dont get it. well yes i do. his mother informed me she saw that as her job to clean up after her dh and her children, so my dh was never taught to clean up after himself. he does chores, but doesnt know how to clean up, or stay organized because he was never taught, so i guess i should be a little nicer about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:45am
My DH wasn't really good with hands-on stuff when the kids were small...on the other hand, he pays all the taxes and estimates, maintains most of our investment files, does most of the maintenance on both of our vehicles, pays most of the household bills, makes the weekly or bi-monthly trips to Sam's Club, arranges for much of the seasonal maintenance of our home and large home repairs.....all the stuff I would rather avoid. He'll do laundry if it needs to be done and he happens to see it first, and he'll throw on supper or clean up afterwards with little fuss. He's the one who helps the older kid with math homework now.



I learned long ago to get rid of the 50/50 paradigm. We've been together long enough to know each other's strengths and weaknesses, and luckily we have enough disposable income to outsource jobs if neither one of us truly feels like doing it -- we have a lawn service, for instance, because he hates yard work, and I couldn't take it on without letting something else go that I enjoy more.

Pages