Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:11pm

To some people it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:18pm
That's true. Was entering into marriage a means to an end for you?

I wouldn't have birthed kids without being married, but I might have adopted some -- in fact, I fostered for awhile before DH and I even met. I wouldn't have married DH if he weren't open to having kids, but I really married him because I can't imagine not having him in my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:18pm
Never said you did. But if you work 60-80 hours a week, chances are your child will be in some form of daycare. Since you see those hours as being selfish, I assumed you'd see leaving your child in daycare or with a nanny for those hours as being selfish as well.

Yes, we'll have to agree to disagree. You can't see working that much as not being selfish because you don't do it. You have no idea what it is like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:21pm
Supporting alimony has nothing to do with supporting SAHMs. I have never wanted to be one myself, but if it works for othres, more power to them. I just think they should be willing to live with the consequcnes of their decisions, just like all others adults.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:23pm
Logical conclusions was never your strong suit, huh?

Trying reading the subthread of posts to whcih TM replied an you will understand what she was saying and why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:28pm
I don't think it takes a creative schedule at all.

Example: our close friends T & M, M is a SAHM and T is an attorney. T leaves the house at 6:30 every morning and is home by 5:30. Works a 10+ hour day at work (and does some work on the bus on his commute), then does an hour or two at home after their boys are asleep. T does a half day on Saturday, usually really early in the morning, either from home or from work. He spends dinner and evenings with the boys and most of the weekend. Once a week M takes the boys in town and they have a long family lunch together. Averages out to 60-70 hours a week working.

For some people, this may not be enough time for a parent to have with their children. But for T & M, it works like a charm. They are a wonderful family and I love their boys. I'd never call T a selfish person, he's one of the most generous, caring men I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:30pm
>>My dh has a career that could very easily require that he work 70-80+ hrs a week, he just won't do it because it is not more important to him to be at work than it is to be at home.<<

For many people, saying they "won't do it" will get them a severance check and a handshake on the way out the door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:46pm
Well, that's kind of unhealthy if this has been going on yr after yr and you still haven't corrected his thinking. You seem gleeful at his having to wake up after a few hrs sleep to care for the children.

All marriages do not have such one-up-manship. It's certainly not in mine. I'm not saying we don't have any problems. But it doesn't necessarily follow that a SAHM is less likely to be an equal, as you said before. My DH and I are nice to each other because that's the people we are. I'm not nice (and he's not into one-up-manship like you seem to be) just because I'm a SAHM. If anything, he puts me on a pedestal and is lucky to have me. That's going to be my attitude until I'm served with divorce papers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:46pm

oh boy. I was all set to be done with this thread ... but calling me a liar makes me jump back in.


<<(Obviously she was lying when she said he has never supported her, so that calls into question her other posts as well.) >>


There's a big difference between receiving some support and being supported by. I receive support from a

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:53pm
PErsonally, I would rather go without having children than live in a marriage like you describe.

Melissa(27)


Wife to DH(42); Mom to DD(7), and DS(5)

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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