Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
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Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 1:54pm
You know what...I really don't think its women who work who do it for those kudos. I haven't seen this employee of the month thing since I worked in fast food as a teen...

<>

Nothing against fast food...but many of us who work have discovered exactly the same thing...the job may not provide employee of the month plaques or any sort of replacement kudos...but we've discovered what it is that really matters...so we can go on...anyway...

I do think there are no small number of women who don't like the whole job thing as adults because they discover exactly that - the kudo-plaque thing is not a big part of the adult working world. Probably alot of men in the same boat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 1:56pm
Have you tried to have a "chore list" for your dh? I know it sounds childish, but maybe if it's set up weekly or monthly and written down and posted as "his duties" he'll be more likely to do them w/o being asked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:05pm

She is set apart from the others by this comment:


your question<>


her answer: I support spousal support on a case-by-case basis. I don't oppose it or support it in general.


I would say that lauren is far from equal to the two or three or how ever many is totally opposed or totally for spousal support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:15pm
You can actually argue that *because* a SAHP wouldn't be away from her "job" when on vacation with the family, s/he should have *more* of a say WRT where to go on vacation. For example, the WOHP wants to go camping but the SAHP wants to go to an all inclusive resort with lots of activities for kids so that the adults can have time to themselves. Vacation #2 may win out because it'd be "vacation" for both the WOHPand the SAHP. Of course, in reality, I feel that deciding where to go on vacation shouldn't be based on one's work status ( or that I would actually voluntarily choose camping over an all inclusive resort except for the benefit for the kids -lol), but just a thought for argument's sake.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:26pm
Sorry to hear about John and his fiance. I know how much you were looking forward to being a MIL and grandmother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:27pm
The only thing my dh has in common with my dad is, he is tall, dark and handsome, and very handy, can fix/build anything and is very quiet. however, my dad was much like yours, and my fil and mil had a very "old country" mindset. she did *all* the housework, and he did all the yard work, cars etc. he still to this day does not lift a finger to help clear the table off, and i dont think the man ever washed a dish in his life. blech!!!! my dh is the chief dishwasher because he thinks i dont know how to load it, and i let him think it. LOL. my dh also cleans toilets, and vacuums. now if i could just get him to put his dirty laundry in the hamper.....LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:38pm
No, I don't believe that "WOH is God and SAH is a peasant" but IF the situation in a particular family is such that the SAHP wants to SAH much *more* than the WOH wants a SAHP then sure the SAH should be a bit thankful to the WOHP.

I think it's true in situations other than work status too. Take this scenario: let's say my dh decides that he wants a career change. He wants to be a writer. He now has no income. I'd like him to have a paying job but I understand that this is his dream. So I increase my work hours so that he can pursue his writing. I am pretty sure that he'd be thankful to me.
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:55pm
Huh? I am not sure whether I should be insulted or not. Dh works to support the family. When I worked I worked to supoort the family. The family consists of FIVE people, 3 minor children, 2 adults.

Do you truly work to support YOURSELF? I doubt it. In our case the money earned by the adults is used to provide for all five individuals. If the family wants (or needs) more money then two adults need to work to support all five individuals.

Although I have worked for a majority of my adult life I have never worked to support myself. I have worked to support our family, including times when dh was not working, and times dh was working but not drawing a salary. I truly cannot understand the need to hold each earner out separately from the family.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:00pm
I was thinking the same thing. My sister & her family are a good example. She's a SAHM. They do go camping a lot, because the whole family enjoys it, but she & her DH have an ongoing debate. He always wants tasty, elaborate meals because he's "on vacation, and being on vacation means living it up a little." She always wants to make quick and easy meals because she's "on vacation, and being on vacation means she should be able to take it easy and not spend a lot of time cooking." Of course, one solution would be for *him* to plan and cook elaborate meals, but somehow that rarely happens.

My sister also lobbies for the budget equivalent of the all-inclusive vacation--i.e. visiting our parents, where my sis gets to be a kid again and our mom takes care of meals and much of the child care.

And yeah, most of the time they come up with various compromises that make both of them happy.

Dana

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:00pm
It's also one of the precious few vacation weeks a SAHP gets. It's nice to get away, to be free to do only fun things for a while. Why don't you think a SAHP would deserve a say in where to go on vacation?

Jenna

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