Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:01pm
That's true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:04pm
I'm just wondering about this whole # hours/week thing. What are your dh's hours out of the house?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:20pm
Dang, I forgot to get that manicure! DH just returned from a week-long business trip to Nashville. While he did have meetings to attend during the day, he had a blast checking out the music scene at night. He also found time to go running and do some sight-seeing. He came back relaxed and happy.

I'm not a SAHM, but I do work PT, not FT. By the time he returned, I was worn out from taking the kids to various lessons and activities, doing all the cooking, shopping, cleaning, errands, childcare, pet care, etc. Not to mention it SNOWED while he was gone, in April.

I think it's his turn to be extra nice to ME.

Dana

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:29pm
I don't expect dh to do 50% of everything that needs to be done because I do most of it. When I ask for a hand with something I get it.

When I was working I would have to ask dh to do what needs doing. He did it, but the laundry room could have filled up with clothes from floor to ceiling and unless I asked him to put up a load of laundry he wouldn't. If I asked he did it. I just chalk it up as part of who he is and accept that if I want his help I will have to ask for it.

I don't really define that as a power struggle. A power struggle is when you both want something different and argue over who should have the final say in the matter and why.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:36pm

Did you actually read her post or just assume what you thought it said?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:38pm
Dh pretty much does. There are certain areas that are my specialty and certain that are his..but we have kind of divided it out to "who has the higher standards rule".

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:49pm
But if he can do it hisself without you even there, why should he be overly joyed that you do it?
Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:49pm
I especially agree with your last statement. I think I am done with the "re-educating PJM" project I took on. She has failed to gain even a basic understanding of the motivations of a SAHP and has persisted in hiding behind her rigid set of life philosophies/stock assumptions in such a way that it has made almost every conversation I've had with her make me feel sorry for her. I went out of my way to try to show how someone with her very own characteristics (intelligent, driven, self-actualization-seeking) might want to SAH. Oh well. Just this morning in my ECFE class, the parent educator was telling us that from birth on we are always striving for respect and belonging and I am sure that is why I have tried so hard to get through to PJM. Otherwise I would have to admit I enjoy banging my head against the wall...

I just wanted to say that I have very much appreciated your posts lately. I like the way you have articulated your many points and I like your "voice" here. I'm burnt out and need to move on. I don't think I can compete against what I imagine is some serious brainwashing from the past.

On that note, I'm going ice skating with my kids now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:59pm

<<"No. I am absolutely surprised though at the lack of gratitude on the part of SAHMs that the WOHPs' work is what enables them the luxury of not pursuing paid employment, as I mentioned earlier in one of my posts this morning.">>


Have you ever considered that the WOHP's might

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:15pm

Do you think it would beneficial to temporily remove a child from who they would be better of with for a short period of time, possibly changing their friends, etc and then moving them again for a final time?


I don't think it SHOULD be done, but that's what happens when parents divorce.

Tonya

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