Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:22pm
That's the most stupid WOH-centric garbage I've ever read.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:25pm
That's the a lousy reason to get married. No wonder marriage always sounds like 5-day-old steak when you're the one describing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:32pm
Thanks. Yes, we're all okay...just disappointed. Better to learn now, tho, rather than after a marriage, I suppose. And I'm enough of a romantic to believe that if they're really meant to be together, it'll work out that they'll be together--they're both very young.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:34pm
Thanks. As I told cocoa, it's a disappointment, but better to have things break apart now than later, after a marriage. I want them both happy and if they can't be happy together, best they aren't. (and again, if they're really meant to be together, it'll happen--just maybe not this year :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:01pm
The biggest problems I've seen in marriages are caused by one spouse refusing to recognize or acknowledge, let alone appreciate, concessions made by the other. "OK, because I love you I'll agree to do this and incur the associated hardship it will cause me" turns into "We aggreed to this because we perceived mutual benefit your suffering is your own doing". Its sad, and the divorce courts are full of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:11pm

He's self employed so he makes his own hours;

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:22pm
Do you see having a SAHP as some sort of one way street? Because most families do not work this way. Most of the time the partners agree on a way they want their family structured.

Where is it written that I need to be grateful to dh becuase he did what he agreed to do? He doesn't bow down before me every night when I cook him a meal and I don't bow down to him every time I spend a nickel. I am grateful that I have dh in my life, but not specifically because I don't HAVE to work.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 6:04pm
When I go on vacation, I don't cook meals, I don't clean house, I don't do laundry, I don't do lawn work etc.

Plus whenever DH and I are both with the kids then we take care of their needs pretty equally.

So a vacation has always been a vacation for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 6:11pm
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That is manageable, in my opinion-- after school activities and working. There are some flexible positions-- for example, my husband is most likely going to be a professor and will have time before and after school. There is also carpooling, etc. My mom worked full time when I was in school-- albeit she was a teacher, but I never felt left out of after school activities, etc. It is not necessarily the time away from the children that I mind-- or the schedule balancing in the first few years. I think I would miss many of the children's "firsts" and there are a lot of problems with daycare, sickness, bad kids, overcrowding, etc (and yes, I know, not all daycare is like this).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 6:13pm
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I'm sure there are a lot of people who would-- maybe you just haven't run across them. . .

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