Do Baby Mamas Have the Right to SAH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Do Baby Mamas Have the Right to SAH?
318
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 12:24pm
Do baby mamas have the right to SAH? What I mean by *baby mamas* are the women who had one night stands or booty call relationships and ended up pregnant and receive child support from the father.

I excluded the women who were not married and had a baby out of wedlock because there was a meaningful relationship at one point so feelings were involved.

Do the *baby mamas* have a right to SAH and expect the father to support the child and them?

I ask this because my husband's 7 year old daughter's mother feels that she needs more child support than she is given ($400 month) because she is only working part-time. She feels that since he is married now, that MY income should be included in his income and therefore she should be entitled to more.

I'm sorry but if I'm the *wife* and *I* work full time, then she should be too. If her part-time job is not enough then she needs a FULL-TIME job. No way will I pay for a child that's not mine. If the child was living with us then that's another story but she isn't. I have our 8 month old to support and there's no way in hell I will also help to support HER child that SHE ended up having knowing she was a booty call once in a while and thought it was her fiance's baby until after the child was born and it was found out that it wasn't, therefore defaulted to my husband. (He wasn't my husband at the time).

My husband is just as livid as I am about this, but we challenged her to go to court and see if she could get more. We also told her that she better have a damn good lawyer because we sure as hell will.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?



Tonya

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 12:35pm
personally i dont think anyone has a right to sah, it is a choice that and adult or two adults should make depending on their individual circumstances.

as to child support, my view is that the dad should be paying the percentage of his income that is mandated by the state he lives in. your income should not, and i dont believe would come into the equation. afterall, if you quit your job he isnt going to be let off the hook for child support just because he now has greater obligations at home.

and i dont believe in alimony.

Jennie

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 12:35pm
Maybe, I am ignorant, but what exactly is booty call? I dont see how the nature of the parents relationship is relevant to how much child support is ordered.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 12:46pm
I was wondering the same thing.

Of course, the flip side of this arguement is a woman who got pregnant, man left her, and now wants to pay as little as possible in child support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 12:48pm
I read posts like this and I just ache for the children. They are being used as pawns for more money and for getting back at the other parent for the failure of the relationship. No one seems to care for the child or the child's feelings. It is just really sad and pathetic.

My parents were married 22 years when they divorced. I was 13 and my father arranged that child support payments would decrease every year on my birthday. He did not even stop to think about how that affected me. We (my mother and I-my sister was in college) moved from our house to an apartment and we struggled financially. Every birthday, I would feel so guilty for my mother getting less money. I confronted my father about it when I was older and he was shocked. He said he was so full of pain and anger at the divorce that he did not stop and think. He apologized also.

I understand you are angry-I would be too. What is the best for this child, though? Your husband used bad judgement and had a child out of wedlock. He is responsible for the child. Same for the mother of the child-she used bad judgement and had a child. She has a responsiliblty to that child. If that requires she works full time, then so be it. I think you are human to feel this way. I just hope that all of ya'll stop and think about the child. Sometimes, we have to be better than ourselves and this may be one of those times. The child should not be a pawn between the 3 of you.

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:17pm
Yes. In our house it must be agreed on by BOTH of us and we must BOTH be happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:23pm
Booty Call- Someone you call when you get the urge to have sex. You only speak with the person when in need.

And of course the nature of the relationship doesn't determine the child support amount. I never said that. I was saying that she needs to support herself and her child with what was given and not assume that just because she wants to SAH and only work part-time means that child support should go up.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:30pm
That can happen, but this is a situation that is fact, and she will admit to it. So there's no flip side to this scenario.

And I also wonder why a woman would have a baby by a man who's not involved with her except sexually anyway?

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:39pm
which begs the question, how do you describe the person doing the booty calling? "someone who considers other human beings (or maybe just members of the opposite sex) nothing more than masturbation aides"?

whatever the answer, i suppose it would also be reflected in a booty caller's regard and respect for his child (and all others), too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:39pm
I agree with you. But it's the bet that WE would be the better people and think about the child that would benefit the mother, who doesn't give a damn whether the child gets anything or not. If she did then the child would be in 1st grade and not still in Kindergarten at the age of 7. She doesn't groom her like she does herself or take care of her like she does herself.

I know we need to be the better person, but because I know for a fact that the mother uses this child as a pawn and always has ever since she realized after TWO WHOLE YEARS that the child was my husband's by default. By doing extra for the child, we help HER (the mother) out financially.

I refuse to pay her more money and the child receives no good hygiene care, grooming or teaching.

We told her that if taking care of her is too much for her then we'll take the child. She said okay at first until the courts told her that she would no longer get child support. Then she changed her mind.

Now you tell me, what her motive is.

I tell you, if we go to court, we're sueing for custody. And we have a lot of information to prove her as an unfit mother. I would expect to go throughthis with maybe an exwife or something. But not some floozy from the street that didn't even know who her baby's father was until 2 years later.

I'm sorry, I'm so mad I could shoot fire from my eyes.



Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:40pm
Huh? What are you talking about?

Did you read the OP?

Tonya

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