Do women REALLY think men are children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Do women REALLY think men are children?
188
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 5:55pm
I mean really!? How many women out there think of their husbands as children? Why would we need to consider or treat our husbands (or men) like children? These questions are brought onby a thread below and I would like to know what others think.

Are they missing a certain gene? Do they not develop the same behavioral patterns as women? Why is it that they are fully capable at work and yet the second he steps in the family home he is unable to give the children a bath? Why would a women want to give her husband an exemption from doing the same duties as the wife? Why would a women want to be married to someone "that needs to be treated as a child"?

Or is it that women just let them get away with it and then say "Oh well. You know how those men are....they are like children."

Personally for myself, I have never looked at, considered or treated my husband like a child. Why would I? He is an adult. I am an adult.

Please enlighten me here!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 6:01pm
Well, relating to my husband is often like relating to a child. And I have found that living with him is often like living with a child. I have also found that if I treat him more like a child, we have more of an adult relationship.

HOWEVER...that is because of my husbands psychological/mental issues. It was not like this before his illness/injury. He was a completely different person, and I can't imagine ever having the type of interaction we have now back then.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 6:11pm
LOL!! well my XSO was definately like having another child. he didnt cook clean, work or anything! I had to remind him to bath for crying out loud and he didnt brush his teeth but once a week. all this started AFTER we moved in together. Before then he was always clean cut, had an income etc. i guess maybe i made it too easy on him to be lazy, but i got tired of it and kicked him out. I told him that i already have 3 kids to raise, i couldnt afford to raise him too.

My DH now is wonderful!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 6:14pm
There are certainly men out there who act like children, but I would not want to be married to one. My dh was an adult when I met him and he still is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 6:25pm
my dh would love to be pampered, let off the hook and to be free to do whatever, whenever, HOWEVER, he also looks in the mirror. i truly believe God put me in his path to shape him up, because anyone who knows me knows i dont let him get by with anything. and i think thats why he loves me. i guide him the other way with strong and point blank remarks and observations of which he cannot squirm out of. i am pretty bossy, but if im not, he will take total advantage of me, and im not going to live like that. we love each other, and do for each other, and care for each other, and one slip on either side, and the other one calls him/her on it. we both get silly and slack along the way, as i always say we fly by the seat of our pants, but we must be doing something right, cause, its woooorking.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 6:57pm
My DH is far from being a child. And a good part of the reason I chose him was because he *wasn't* needy, nor did he need someone to take care of him. He's not as nurturing to our boys like I am, and he doesn't "see" things in the house that need to be done like I do. But he's very much an adult (sometimes too much!) and I've never had to baby him or treat him like a child. He's very responsible and as much a parent and capable of parenting as I am. Believe me, he's not the perfect husband, but he's perfect for me.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 12:06am
To quote my sister, "I can HAVE a child. I don't need to marry one."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 12:13am
I think it's all in the way they were raised. If they had Mother's that "did everything for them" they tend to expect their wife to do the same...or maybe expect isn't the right word...but they act like they are incapable to avoid pitching in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 5:43am
I have never thought of my dh as a child. He was never waited on or spoiled when he was growing up so he's never expected it from me ever. He started working when he was 10 picking up irrigation pipe for .75 an hour and he has had some type of job ever since and pretty much taken care of himself. His mom and dad asked him to leave their home when he was 17 years old and a senior in high school. He has never acted like a child.

Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 6:58am
I have never thought of my DH as child nor have I treated him like one, I had three kids to raise didn't need a forth.

But it is a dynamic that some woman do actually prefer. My BIL was brought up in home with a mom that has always worked. When he was a teenager he and his brother did the family laundry and prepared a lot of the family meals. My sister thought that that was terrible and swore that "In her house he would not have to do any of those things" and he hasn't. She does absolutely all of the housework. That carried over somewhat to the child care. When my nephew was in diapers and she wanted to go somewhere she had to get a babysitter, she could not leave him home with his father because he did not do diapers. I found it really funny that this man who was perfectly capable of doing laundry and preparing meals at 16 had to have his SIL and mother do those things for him 12 years later when my sister came to visit me for a week.

In every other way he is a great guy but my sister wanted to spoil him and he has taken advantage of the situation. But it has worked in their marriage for over 27 years so it seems to be a dynamic that they both are comfrotable with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 8:14am
The first mother's day after we were married, I sent my MIL a thank you card.

It included thanks for teaching my dh to pick up his own things, putting his boots in the closet, and ALWAYS PUTTING THE SEAT BACK DOWN! These are things I have never even had to ask he do, it's automatic.

I've decided to pass this onto our son as well. Though he has been potty trained for over a year, he finally got tall enough to stand up to pee. (yay!) So I am on him each and every time to put the seat back down. Watching daddy take care of his own things has been an EXCELLENT example as well... but I do have to remind him at times about that.

I sure hope his future gfs appreciate the effort. :)

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