Do you care if your children work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Do you care if your children work?
442
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 12:15pm

The reason I throw it out there is because a women told me a story and went something like this.


Her father's best friend saw her at a family party and asked what she was doing and she said she was a mother with 3 beautiful children. He was very happy for her and asked where she worked and she said she stayed at home. So he asked where she worked before she had children and she said my son is in high school, I married right out of graduate school and never worked out of the home.


He said, "Wow - what a waste." Of course she was offended.


It ends up she has a masters in Engineering - went to some very good colleges and graduate school. The total cost being in the $75K range, about 15 years ago.


Now I don't think that somebody should forgo an education if they plan to stay at home but would you agree to pay for graduate school, law school, med school, etc. if you children did not plan to work?


My husband and I do not plan to fully pay for our kids college or graduate school but if I did I think I would be a little disappointed if they never worked.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 10:43pm
I'll tack on another great point.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 2:55am
Yes, and kids can really get stuck if the parents decide not to contribute. That happened to me, and now it is happening to my nieces.

*^*^*^*^*

To be is to do - Plato
To be or not to be - Hamlet
Do-be-do-be-do - Sinatra

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 7:51am

Until what age? As long as they are in school they can live with you? There has to be some sort of limit. Even paying rent... I am not sure I would want a 50 yr old living with me whether they pay rent or not - or 40 - or 35 - probably not 30,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:00am
I answer that question the same way I answered people who asked me, when my kids were ayear or so old, when I was going to stop nursing, and didn't I worry that if I let them decide wen to wean, I would still be nursing when it was time for them to go to school or something. I don't believe in setting arbitrary age deadlines. I trust in the normal course of human development. The drive for independence and autonomy is usually such that the young desire to leave the nest at the appropriate time, whethe r that is 18 or 22 or whenever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:18am
I guess we all hope that it would happen that way. It doesn't always work that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:21am

It is extremely rare when it doesn't.

Even my DD1 who stated at 14 that she did not want to get married and did not want to live alone so would live with us forever moved out at 23.




Edited 7/29/2010 8:23 am ET by emptynester2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:30am

I don't think

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:33am
I don't think it's so rare anymore, but what I've noticed is that when it happens, the parents are often doing too much, i.e., not charging rent, cooking & doing laundry for the kids, paying for cars, etc., so the kids have no incentive to move out.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:40am
Lol. Law school is definitely not for everyone. Every year we see a few students who obviously don't want to be lawyers but whose parents evidently wish they did and can afford to drop 45K a year on the chance that it works out. It usually doesn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:41am
I think that it is still extremely rare for a 35, 40 or 50 year old to have never moved out of their parents household.

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