Do you know any men with "daddy guilt"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Do you know any men with "daddy guilt"?
45
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 6:13pm

Do you know any men in your life, DH or otherwise, who have expressed or display a male version of "mommy guilt"? Not just wanting to spend more time with the kids, but feeling extremely torn and even upset about not being there more for the kids. Or, men who wish they could SAH, but can't (for financial or societal reasons).


If you don't know any personally, do you think there's a significant contingent of men who do have this guilt? Or is it simply a female invention?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007

Yes, I have known a few.

I don't think it is a female "invention". It think it is a byproduct of changing social expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008

Of course not, this is mom territory.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008

I've met more than a handful of men (my xh for one, at times) that have expressed a desire to spend more time with their kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Yes, definitely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I know two who were typical working daddies and who now when their kids are adults and all messed up have all kinds of daddy guilt.

IMO, guilt is a very bad thing and leads people to bad choices. IOW, I don't think it is necessarily a good thing to stay home because you feel guilty about putting your kid in daycare, to take one example. If the kid really has a problem with being in daycare, he/she should not be there and then the reason to stay home should be that the kid can not handle daycare, not guilt over working. If, OTOH, the kid really is doing fine, then mommy should quit feeling guilty and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006

No. With all of the dads that I know, not a one of them has any shred of guilt at all. they feel like they have plenty of time with their kids.

i think that, generally speaking, it's a female phenomena (although I personally have also never had any shred of guilt whatsoever).

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

But how could you possibly know? Most people keep their deep-seated guilt private, especially when they don't really feel like they can do anything about it.


I'm not saying the men you know do feel guilt over this, just that no one could be expected to know what's really in their heads.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 10:00am

LOL, yeah, right.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

Yes, it's a female invention. Specifically, my invention. I've got the patent, so if you want to feel guilty, you have to pay me. :)


Actually, I think guilt just comes with the parenting territory. Men may not express it or angst about it the way some women do, but most of us experience it to some degree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003

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I'm not saying the men you know do feel guilt over this, just that no one could be expected to know what's really in their heads.>>


I agree. I don't think very many men would feel comfortable saying "I wish I could stay home with the kids while wife works" or "I wish wife would work so I could share this breadwinning burden."




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