Do you know any men with "daddy guilt"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Do you know any men with "daddy guilt"?
45
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 6:13pm

Do you know any men in your life, DH or otherwise, who have expressed or display a male version of "mommy guilt"? Not just wanting to spend more time with the kids, but feeling extremely torn and even upset about not being there more for the kids. Or, men who wish they could SAH, but can't (for financial or societal reasons).


If you don't know any personally, do you think there's a significant contingent of men who do have this guilt? Or is it simply a female invention?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

"I wish wife would work so I could share this breadwinning burden."


DH and I talked about this early in our relationship. He said something along the lines of wanting a spouse to WOH FT in a highly paid job so he wouldn't have to be the sole breadwinner.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006

well, it works both ways. If I can't "know" that they don't feel guilty, then you can't possibly "know" that they do feel guilty. I guess the question, then, is rhetorical?

I can also judge by my own dh who would readily share those feelings with me -- if he had them. He doesn't have any guilt associated with working. He does feel bad about not fighting for sole custody of his dd when he divorced his first wife (he gained sole custody when she was 6).

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006

i don't work a "highly paid" job, but dh and I each contribute close to 50% of the household income. We are BOTH happy with EACH of us working.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
ditto .. although now, with my new job and raise, it's more like a 55/45 split ... :)
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 11:01pm
I know quite a few who after their kids have grown, regret spending so much time at work and on the road. Actually quite a few!
More women though. And I dont think its a female "invention" -- its a societal "invention."
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 11:02pm
Given your description of your DH and father, I wouldnt have expected anything different.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 11:54pm
Like you should talk... LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 12:14am

Bob feels bad about being out to sea for months on end, but I'm not sure I'd classify it as "guilt". He feels like he's missing out on stuff, but it's his job and there isn't anything he can do about it until he retires (2 years, 5 months and 11 days, but who's counting?).

My step-dad left for work at 5:45am and often didn't get home until after 8pm. I don't know that he ever felt "guilty"....My dad worked long hours in the city too (but I didn't live with him during the week) but he often quoted the "It's not the quantity, it's the quality" line directly to me. I'm not sure who he was trying to convince, me or himself. I think he did experience a bit of "daddy guilt" but primarily that was (I think) because he only saw me and my brother every other weekend.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 10:50pm
My DH is desoerate to spend more time with our 3 children. B/c of his work hours he has been the primary caregiver for all of them during the daytime hours much of their lives. When they reahed school age he started seeing significantly less of them as he leaves for work around 2:30 pm and does not get home until well after midnight. He is back in school getting his Masters and making a career change so that he can work "typical" hours" and be able to go to soccer games/practices, scout meetings and have weekends off. In my circle of family and friends his active role is quite rare. I have many friends whose DH's won't even "babysit" (ACK don't get me started!) their own kids.
july siggy
august 09 siggy
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Registered: 10-21-2007
I went back to work a few weeks ago after an 11 week maternity leave. I had this discussion with my husband a number of times. His thoughts were that there