Do you think that long paternity leave is unrealistic?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think that long paternity leave is unrealistic?
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Thu, 05-02-2013 - 4:04pm

According to Today, some dads think so:

The eight weeks of paid paternity leave that Yahoo male employees now receive, thanks to the company’s generous new policy, makes plenty of dads envious of all that time for bonding with baby.

Yet for many dads, the lengthy time the company is offering seems too good to be true, and maybe even unrealistic. Because while it would be a dream to have a guilt-free two month leave from work, many say they feel pressure – whether self-inflicted or external -- to get back to work.

Read more: http://www.today.com/moms/yahoos-long-paternity-leave-unrealistic-some-dads-say-6C9724866

There is no way my husband would have taken off that amount of time with any of our boys, he can barely handle a four day weekend at home ;)  In the industry he was working in, and with his supervisory responsiblities, I don't think it would have been realistic for him to take off more than a week at a time.  

What do you think?  Do you think it's more acceptable for dads to take paternity leave, or does it depend on your field of employment?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002

I think 8 weeks paternity leave is unrealistic for most men working at-will.  That would mean two parents together at home for a few weeks or the full 8 weeks.  That alone goes against the American work ethic.  This policy establishes goodwill for Yahoo, and little more.  Families will still worry about any fallout at work, the frenzied return after a long absence, job security. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002

emptynester2009 wrote:
<p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">If I got this right:</span></p><p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">Man who tells wife that he cannot take time off work for family issues like paternity leave because of his work load is a good husband who is very good at his job and cannot be replaced. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">Woman who states that she would not plan a long term absence from work like a maternity leave  because it would be hard on her co-workers and company to be off for an extended length of time is a liar.   Everyone is replaceable.  <br /></span></p>

I don't think anyone was talking about lying or who is a good husband.  It's all about the job.  You're right ~ everyone is replaceable.  But not everyone can have (or wants) a job which cannot support any or a long paternity leave.  Being deployed comes to mind certainly.  Back home, other jobs don't let men and women take a 2 month vacation to spend with their entire family.  That's how employees see 2 parents staying home with the children for 2 months ~ a lazy vacation subsidized by the paychecks of non-vacationing employees, lol. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002

bordwithyou wrote:
Short answer is, no, she can't give a sensible answer to that question, because thee is no sensible answer other than to admit that PKA, SavCal, and her husband might have similar levels of job responsibility, and you know she's not going to do that!

You may not feel it because you have a job where paid leave is not unusual ~ to publish, to do an archeologic dig, etc, etc.  But there are many jobs where employees get a little miffed if they see others taking off extended paid leave.  Paternity leave is paid exclusively (like most benefits) by co-workers.  Co-workers' salaries and bennies go down the more money is taken out of their paychecks to subsidize the benefits others get. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001

Who is a liar?  And how does paternity leave compare to the irreplaceable jobs? 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001

thardy2001 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">emptynester2009</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium"&gt;If I got this right:&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium"&gt;Man who tells wife that he cannot take time off work for family issues like paternity leave because of his work load is a good husband who is very good at his job and cannot be replaced. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium"&gt;Woman who states that she would not plan a long term absence from work like a maternity leave  because it would be hard on her co-workers and company to be off for an extended length of time is a liar.   Everyone is replaceable.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>I don't think anyone was talking about lying or who is a good husband.  It's all about the <em>job</em>.  You're right ~ everyone is replaceable.  But not everyone can have (or wants) which cannot support any or a long paternity leave.  Being deployed comes to mind certainly.  Back home, other jobs don't let men and women take a 2 month vacation to spend with their entire family.  That's how employees see 2 parents staying home with the children for 2 months ~ a lazy vacation subsidized by the paychecks of non-vacationing employees, lol.  </p>

Military familes are special. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Who is a liar?  And how does paternity leave compare to the irreplaceable jobs? </p>

In the other thread woman who stated that it would be hard for them to take extended leave because of their job situations were called liars because no one is that important everyone is replaceable.

You are the one that linked paternity and irreplaceable.  In  this thread talking about paternty you stated that you could not see your DH taking a 6 week paternity leave because he was too important to his job.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002

jamblessedthree wrote:
  Military familes are special. </p>

Definitely.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

I think mothers have a greater need to have longer maternity leaves than fathers for physical reasons - their own recovery, as well as breastfeeding, etc.   I do think it is important that fathers take *some* time to bond with the child at that age. And I think it's important for fathers to take some of the resonsiblity in early infancy so the mother isn't doing it all.

However, I don't think American society is ready yet for men to take the same length of maternity leaves as mothers.  Many, many new fathers I've known have taken 3-4 weeks (not necessarily all at once), and I"ve known more than a handfull that took somewhat longer. 

As for the employment side of it, I don't think men - in general - have less "leeway" to take leave than do mothers. I think it's more about field, position, and workload than it is about gender.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>It would depend on the dad and the job demands, Like your husband my DH has supervisory responsibilities that require contact and communication on a regular basis, I can't imagine him being free of that for 6 weeks, Lol. We've lived away from home since the birth of our first 15 years ago already and that in part is why we afford ourselves a SAHP.</p><p> </p><p> </p>

Oh, but if I say I can't imagine being free of that for 12 weeks, then I'm overstating my replaceability.  Double-standard much?

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

reginageorge2005 wrote:
<PKA--he can't get a temp. He's a penis person. SavCal is not, so she's not indispensible...only the penis people are indispensible in Jambles-land.</p>

Oh chit. Forgot about the vagina clause ....

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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