Do you think that long paternity leave is unrealistic?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think that long paternity leave is unrealistic?
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Thu, 05-02-2013 - 4:04pm

According to Today, some dads think so:

The eight weeks of paid paternity leave that Yahoo male employees now receive, thanks to the company’s generous new policy, makes plenty of dads envious of all that time for bonding with baby.

Yet for many dads, the lengthy time the company is offering seems too good to be true, and maybe even unrealistic. Because while it would be a dream to have a guilt-free two month leave from work, many say they feel pressure – whether self-inflicted or external -- to get back to work.

Read more: http://www.today.com/moms/yahoos-long-paternity-leave-unrealistic-some-dads-say-6C9724866

There is no way my husband would have taken off that amount of time with any of our boys, he can barely handle a four day weekend at home ;)  In the industry he was working in, and with his supervisory responsiblities, I don't think it would have been realistic for him to take off more than a week at a time.  

What do you think?  Do you think it's more acceptable for dads to take paternity leave, or does it depend on your field of employment?

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Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010

jamblessedthree wrote:
He's not a clock puncher, His job requires more than time to waste defeinding one's positon online too. </p>

I'm not a clock puncher either. In fact, only in one job ever have I punched a clock. (part-time, in college). 

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010

bordwithyou wrote:
Why would it be "punishable" to be busy with things unrelated to work? Today I am busy making 300 muffins to take to a visitation for a dead friend tomorrow. Is somebody supposed to call the cops or something?

Shoot, when meeting with my boss yesterday, we must have spent 30 minutes talking about beignets in NOLA, his sons' summer jobs, my daughter's prom and other non-work related stuff.

I'm fortunate that my boss recognizes that I work my arse off, and therefore deserve to have a life outside of work and that sometimes work/personal lives intertwine. And that 8-9 SOLID hours of work - with no relief - is unhealthy and, in the long run, unproductive and makes for an unbearable workplace.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001

In keeping my original post in context... I was agreeing with Melissa in the responsibilities our husbands have, even to the point of how ready he is to return to work after a long weekend, Lol.. My additional point has to do with childcare and a SAHP that off sets his need to be at home. You can't afford to SAH..

You can be replaced, All jobs are. But that has nothing to do with what wrote here.

 

 

 


 


Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010

thardy2001 wrote:
<p>I think 8 weeks paternity leave is unrealistic for most men working at-will.  That would mean two parents together at home for a few weeks or the full 8 weeks.  That alone goes against the American work ethic.  This policy establishes goodwill for Yahoo, and little more.  Families will still worry about any fallout at work, the frenzied return after a long absence, job security. </p>

This doesn't mean " two parents together at home for a few weeks or the full 8 weeks."  The parents I've known in which both took an extended leave alternated. Most recently, my friend Amanda took 8 or 10 (I dont' remember) weeks off immediately following the birth. Her husband Andy took 2 weeks off immediately following the birth. Then, when she went back to work at 8 or 10 weeks, he took another 2 off.  So, he took four total (longer than the average) - but only 2 overlapped.   

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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Registered: 09-01-2002

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">jamblessedthree</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;It would depend on the dad and the job demands, Like your husband my DH has supervisory responsibilities that require contact and communication on a regular basis, I can't imagine him being free of that for 6 weeks, Lol. We've lived away from home since the birth of our first 15 years ago already and that in part is why we afford ourselves a SAHP.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Oh, but if I say I can't imagine being free of that for 12 weeks, then I'm overstating my replaceability.  Double-standard much?</p>

Not your replaceability, but your importance.  You said you returned after 3.5 days and all hell broke loose.  A lot of that has to do with you.  For instance: your boss doesn't know "half" of what you do.  So you've done the same: you work with people who don't know what you do.  That's all.  If you quit, the place would carry on, just as it did after your predecessor left the place in shambles.

The difference is with Jam's husband's job.  He has a job clearly very important to him/Jam in terms of pay/benefits, he's the sole breadwinner, others are probably chomping at the bit to get that kind of position.  He can't leave for even 8 weeks because that's a really good way for him to ensure he loses his job.  

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010

thardy2001 wrote:
<You may not feel it because you have a job where <span style="text-decoration:underline">paid</span> leave is not unusual ~ to publish, to do an archeologic dig, etc, etc.  But there are many jobs where employees get a little miffed if they see others taking off extended paid leave.  Paternity leave is paid exclusively (like most benefits) by co-workers.  Co-workers' salaries and bennies go down the more money is taken out of their paychecks to subsidize the benefits others get.  </p>

Have we been talking about paid leave? I didn't realize that we had limited the discussion to paid leave. I certainly hadn't and didn't think the OP had stipulated that.     The only people I know that have had "paid" parental leaves are ones that used their accrued vacation or sick time - which ALL employees get, so there is no subsidization.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Who is a liar?  And how does paternity leave compare to the irreplaceable jobs? </p>

Because the whole "irreplaceable job" debate was brought about by my saying I wouldn't (now, in my present job) willing take a 12 week maternity leave.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">bordwithyou</em> wrote:</div>Why would it be "punishable" to be busy with things unrelated to work? Today I am busy making 300 muffins to take to a visitation for a dead friend tomorrow. Is somebody supposed to call the cops or something?</blockquote></p><p>Shoot, when meeting with my boss yesterday, we must have spent 30 minutes talking about beignets in NOLA, his sons' summer jobs, my daughter's prom and other non-work related stuff.</p><p>I'm fortunate that my boss recognizes that I work my arse off, and therefore deserve to have a life outside of work and that sometimes work/personal lives intertwine. And that 8-9 SOLID hours of work - with no relief - is unhealthy and, in the long run, unproductive and makes for an unbearable workplace.</p>

Why is it unhealthy, unproductive ?? and makes for an unbearable workplace? 

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Registered: 09-01-2002

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">thardy2001</em> wrote:</div>&lt;You may not feel it because you have a job where &lt;span style="text-decoration:underline"&gt;paid&lt;/span&gt; leave is not unusual ~ to publish, to do an archeologic dig, etc, etc.  But there are many jobs where employees get a little miffed if they see others taking off extended paid leave.  Paternity leave is paid exclusively (like most benefits) by co-workers.  Co-workers' salaries and bennies go down the more money is taken out of their paychecks to subsidize the benefits others get.  &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Have we been talking about paid leave? I didn't realize that we had limited the discussion to paid leave. I certainly hadn't and didn't think the OP had stipulated that.     The only people I know that have had "paid" parental leaves are ones that used their accrued vacation or sick time -which ALL employees get, so there is no subsidization.</p>

Yah, that's kind of the crux behind the whole pronouncement by Marissa Meyers.  And EVERYTIME you take off on paid leave, it is fully subsidized by co-workers in private industry.  Or in your case, the federal taxpayer. 

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Registered: 03-22-2013

jamblessedthree wrote:
I find busyness unrelated to work incredible, even punishable. Some jobs are bigger than that however.

That's probably why you couldn't work in a production environment where an entire department works at the specific request of a government entity.  I do what is sent in to do, whether that's mailing labels for all 435 members of the House, or if it's a couple of envelopes for House and Senate members, the invitations and menu for the Senate Spouses' Dinner, the 'Senate Keeps it Green" campaign posters, or the House Telephone Console. What comes in by the time I get to work at 11:30 at night is my work load. Some days it exceeds 200 pieces a night.  Sometimes it's 13 or 14 pieces.  Everything has to be out to the plateroom or back to the client as a proof by 8am, regardless of how much I have to produce.

Since beginning in this office in 2005, and over the course of 4 elections, I have never once missed a deadline.  Not ever.

So my supervisors know that when it's a slow night my lack of activity isn't because I'm a lazy slacker, but it's because my work is out and complete and ready for the Congressmembers, Senators and support staff to use.  They know I produce.  And they know I can't produce what I'm not given.

But it's good to know that if they ever decide having one person handling the stationery needs of the entire Legislative Branch of government is one person too many, I can go substitute teach.  Likely I'll have way more time for sewing then.

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