Do you think a SAHM should go back to...

Avatar for val10154
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Do you think a SAHM should go back to...
1368
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 11:46am

Do you think a SAHM should go back to work once the kids start school?



  • Absolutely, why shouldn't she? There's no reason why she shouldn't.
  • It's up to her & her family.
  • No, not really. What do the kids being in school have to do w/ her working?


You will not be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 10:53am
while I agree with much of what you say...what is with you have more background info b/c you have been posting here for a long period of time. What does that to do with anyones pov.

or does that make your pov right and someone else has to be wrong?



Or can more than one person at a time be right in your world?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:02am
You know what I think? I think there are 1000s of towns and cities in this country (and others, in the case of lauraw2 and O123) and it is HIGHLY unlikely that every town does things exactly the same. Just because one person's city only has activities after 5, and another has them mostly between 3-6, doesn't make either of them wrong. We know darn well that our towns differ greatly in all other aspects, how come, for some reason, in this one aspect, if it's different someone must be lying or stupid? Come on now people!! (PS this is kind of a general message, not to you personally G&H)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:04am
You really need to read what I was responding to. I have more background info on CLW's life (as she has posted here) because I've been here longer. Boy do I hate ASSumptions.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:07am
Not in a parenting arena. Any pats on the back I deserve result from my accomplishments which may or may not have anything to do with what I do for a living. No, I don't deserve pats on the back for being a WM because I choose to be a WM. I have the lifestyle I want. Well from among my picks anyway, lol, as I'd choose to win the lotto and live a life of leisure if I had that choice. I do give a hats off to moms who don't want to work but do anyway because it's in their family's best interest. They have a hard row to hoe. It's hard to do something you don't want to do because it's just the right thing to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:16am
Yep, that was mainly my point in adding my town to the list....I don't think that it is the main or only way things are done, but I couldn't sit by and watch O123 insist to the point of serious rudeness (imo) that if the town has a large number WOHPs it couldn't possible have activities scheduled from 3-6 pm, and anyone who claims this must be lying. Since my city is composed of pretty well entirely families with two WOHPs, I thought I throw my 2cents (soon to become really 2cents perhaps?) worth. Different places do things differently, and I wouldn't presume to guess what happens with activities in town x if I have never been there.


Laura

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:21am
No, I don't think SAH is anything special. I don't think it's better for the kids. I don't think the kids turn out better for having a SAHM. People seem to think that because I don't put SAHM's on a pedestal, I must disdain them. There's a lot of grey area between the two. If you want to SAH, can afford to SAH and have a spouse who doesn't mind supporting you SAH, who cares what you do?

I do however have disdain for SAHM's who put their family's in financial jeopardy just to SAH. This is why I had such a hard time with dss's then gf when dgs was born. She didn't care if they went bankrupt. She didn't care if it destroyed their family. She was a mom and she deserved to be taken care of, end of arguement. Never mind she was carrying a debt level to match her earning potential, which wasn't shabby, when she decided to quit her job, literally, when the stick turned blue. She didn't have issues leaving her baby just figured she shouldn't have to work any more. SAH can be an irresponsible choice and I think it was in her case. As a result, her son lived without his father for most of the first year of his life and when they were together it was all out war but she didn't care. She wasn't going to work and that was that. Things are so much better now that she's working, of course with baby number two on the way that could change really fast.

Also people mistake that I think that WOH is the more supportable of the stances with regard to this debate as disdain, which it isn't. SAH doesn't do anything special with regard to the kids. They don't turn out better and their chances in life are not better but WOH can impact SES and SES can impact how kids turn out and what their chances are. Therefore, I think it's easier to show WOH as a benefit to the kids in cases where it positively affects SES (which would be most of us according to the census). You can also show SAH to be a detrement when it negatively impacts SES. I think the stance SAH is better is hogwash. My family benefits from the income I bring in in many ways. The one who'd really benefit if I SAH would be me. Dh would also benefit in that if I were home he wouldn't have to do housework. To the kids, I think it would be transparent. I don't think they'd be better or worse based on my working status.

While I am pro WOHM, that doesn't mean I'm anti SAHM. I really don't care as long as you don't try to pass off what you do as something that you should be sainted for. If you don't want to work and can afford not to, bully for you. Life is cool when you get what you want. It's the moms for whom such choices would be unreasonable I feel for. As hard as it was to leave my babies in dc, it was my choice and I was going to a job I wanted. I can't imagine leaving them when you don't even want to work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:22am
I did read what you said. I dont see what that has to do with making your POV right or wrong. n/t


Edited 9/11/2003 11:26:02 AM ET by silverunity
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:24am
No, obligated is the right term. If someone supports you not working so you can enjoy being with your kids why wouldn't you be obligated to return the favor if they decided they wanted their turn? I don't get the only moms deserve to SAH school of thought. I think if dad were to decide he wanted his turn being the primary parent he should get it. One thing I don't like about the SAHP model is that it makes one parent primary and the other secondary by virtue of a large difference in time kids spend with each parent. If dad wants his turn being the primary parent after having given you a turn why would you think you're not obligated to return the favor? SAH is not something owed to you because you have ovaries.
Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:26am
I agree with you. Every town is not necesarily the same and gardenhome isnt a liar. However, as I said in any earlier post, a SAH friend of mine who lives in my metro area but not my town told me I couldnt do activities with my DS becuase I work during the day. However, that turned out to be incorrect. Even gardenhome admitted that there are storytimes in the evening and that the town doesnt "roll up the sidewalks" in the evening but she prefers activities earlier in the day.

BTW, congrats on the girl.


Edited 9/11/2003 11:27:30 AM ET by tickmich
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:27am
Whether or not to have kids is a 70/30 split in favor of the mom???? I don't think so. Bringing a child into this world is joint decision. You don't carry more weight just because you have ovaries. If you can't agree, then you don't have the child. Either party is free to go find another partner who does agree with them if they feel that strongly but you don't get trump power because you're female.

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