Do you think a SAHM should go back to...

Avatar for val10154
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Do you think a SAHM should go back to...
1368
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 11:46am

Do you think a SAHM should go back to work once the kids start school?



  • Absolutely, why shouldn't she? There's no reason why she shouldn't.
  • It's up to her & her family.
  • No, not really. What do the kids being in school have to do w/ her working?


You will not be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 7:46pm
NONE of the reasons you listed were reasons why I sah.

I sah because we want to raise our kids with a mother at home and because I wanna.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 7:54pm
Ya know what I just LOVE about your posts? They are always so darn negative.

Didja ever stop and consider it isn't always a matter of "can't" many times is a matter of "choice."

Just like in your family...you choose to work and your dh can't retire early because it best fits your family's needs and wants to have a dual income family. You have said many times that you could be a SAH if you WANTED to, but you don't want too. You even tried it for a very limited time period and didn't enjoy it one bit. You are CHOOSING to WOH, just like many here CHOOSE to SAH.

It wasn't that you couldn't handle being a SAH...other then the lazy part...but then we go right back to DJ's post if that IS true. Because your personal limitations on finding things to keep yourself busy with the kids and around the house all day long...you couldn't handle being home all day long.

You can't have it one way for a WOH and another way for a SAH. Either we do what we do by choice (meaning those who do not have to work and you have said many times that you don't HAVE to work..but you want to because you want the higher SES) or the fact that those who do choose to work do so because of their personal limitations wrt being a SAH and those who choose to SAH do so because of their personal limitations wrt WOH.

Unless of course you enjoy a double standard?



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 7:57pm
ITA

I chose to sah because I love it and I want to be home with my kids rather than them being here all day with a nanny.

I can't imagine not being able to find things to do. I'm so creative I can't find time for everything I want to do and I sah. I just have too many interests lol

We don't sacrifice. We have everything we want. We do everything we want. Our kids would still spend the day at their home with their toys if I worked.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:32pm
LOL, I'm afraid your argument doesn't work because the scientific community bought into higher SES equals better chances for kids LONG ago, lol. Nice try though.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:35pm
No but you can say that WM's ARE positively affecting their family's SES (just look at the census data if you need proof) and that IS a good thing. In general, WM's ARE benefitting their family's via their work in the form of higher SES. Does this mean all are? No, of course not. But, in general, we ARE. There is no equivalent statement about SAH beneffiting the family in general. No, WOH does not always benefit the family. Heck, sometimes it could hurt but most of the time it's an improvement, at least according to the data it is.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:36pm
Never said it couldn't be a choice, however, choosing something doesn't make it better. It just makes it your choice. We ARE talking about situations where SAH would be better. SAH is not better because you choose it. It's better when WOH would be some kind of negative as in a case where mom can't handle the stress of WOH and family or has a job that interferes with her being involved with her kids or a myraid of other reasons. Simply choosing it doesn't make anything better. It's just your choice. Yes, many moms simply choose SAH but the situations where SAH is better are something different. That is what we're talking about here.


Edited 9/12/2003 8:39:14 PM ET by cyndiluwho
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:41pm
Because for SAH to be better there would have to be a problem with working. Hence limitations. I'd wager that most simply choose to SAH but choosing something doesn't make it better. It's better when it avoids/fixes some negative you'd have if you did the other thing or imparts some benefit you can't get if you do the other thing. I, honestly, can't think of one situation where it would be better where the reason it's better doesn't have to do with personal limitations of either the people involved or the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:57pm
But what they fail to admit is the higher SES equals better chances for children only IF the parents are doing it FOR the children. They also fail to admit that higher SES doesn't mean squat if the parents are not involved in the children's life.

So that brings us back to

(sing along with me folks....)

Higher SES only brings more family...FAMILY brings in the option factor.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 9:17pm
Actually, no. Higher SES IS correlated with better outcomes for kids, period. This is well known and widely accepted. Are there cases where it's not true? Yes but IN GENERAL it IS true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 9:23pm
When you start talking in circles, then I know I have made a valid point.

Plus, you brought us right back to your belief in the word "can't." Sure, working might be a negative to a family, just like SAH might be a negative to a family.

Does the WOH automatically think the negative in SAH is spending those extra 40+ hours a week with her children, managing her own time effectivly w/out any input from another person? Probably not.

So why is that you automatically think a SAH chooses to do what she does because she "can't" handle the stress of juggling job and family? Of course, it couldn't possibly be that she very well CAN juggle it...she just chooses not to because it makes life simpler for the entire family if she doesn't.

(although I am a WAH, keep with me here...)...I have two choices. I can SAH and alleviate extra stress from my family or I can WOH and leave the stress there. I have the option of being a SAH...so why wouldn't I want to do that?

And please, I have been here long enough and have a good enough memory to remember even YOU complain about the stress's that are involved with juggling family and job. So don't insult either of our intellegences by saying WOH is a stress free gig.

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