Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:47pm

Absolutely in favor of all adults having the skills to be self-supportive.  Whether they ever use those skills in the marketplace is up to them.  But nobody knows what life is going to throw at them.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 5:13am

I agree that all girls (and boys) should grow up and aspire to things they want to do, be it a laywer to a homemaker if they want.  I draw the line at her thought of having it all though, perhaps that's what the author's mistake was.  Were her expectations that a prince would sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after?  Life is about give and take, sacrifices, working hard for what you want.  There's nobody that has it all their way. 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:14am

I do not think that one should rely on a man but I do not practice what I preach as that is exactly what I have done for over 30 years.  I am not self-centered enough to think that it worked for me because there is something special about me.  It is just plain luck. 

My DDs lives are different and I do not ever think they will be totally rely on a man.  It has never been talked about.   I thought that it would be hypocritical of me to give the "do not rely on a man speech" when they know that is what I have done most of my married life.   But they are much more independent (in many ways) than I am and that includes financially.  I think that they have seen enough examples of it not working out well to realize that it is not a good choice to make regardless of how it has worked in our family. 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:47am
  • I don't call the life of a SAHP lucky but that's probably b/c of my own perspectives and experiences here too.  My mother was a SAHM, she wasn't lucky even though dad supported our whole family financially all those years, I don't consider wives I know with husbands that work lucky nor would I place myself in that category.  It's a blessing to stay at home esp with young children IMO/E but there's a lot of efforts and sacrifices in there, Lucky sounds like throwing it out like dice and taking the chance of where it falls, Lol.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:59am

jamblessedthree wrote:
<ul><li>I don't call the life of a SAHP lucky but that's probably b/c of my own perspectives and experiences here too.  My mother was a SAHP, she wasn't lucky even though dad supported our whole family financially all those years, I don't consider wives with husbands that work lucky nor would I place myself in that category.  It's a blessing to stay at home esp with young children IMO/E but there's a lot of efforts and sacrifices in there, Lucky sounds like throwing it out like dice and taking the chance of where it falls, Lol. </li></ul>

I never said being a SAHM was lucky.  Where I am lucky in in havng chosen a man who has supported me (not just financially) for 30+ years.    It was not much different than throwing out a dice as I had no idea at 22 what a wonderful choice I was making.  I was no different from all the other woman making the same choice for whom it did not work out so well.  The fact that it worked out for me and not them is just pure luck in the fact that my DH has the character that he has.   They probably went into their marriages thinking that their DH's had that character.  There is nothing special about me that it turned that my DH does have that character and theirs did not.  It was just pure luck to be in the place and time to meet him and for him to feel the same way about me as I did him. 

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 8:37am
Empty, I get what you are saying. Sometimes seemingly perfect marriages fall apart, and I agree that there is some luck involved both in having the marriage work out and one partner having the ability to support the other financially all through a long marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 8:47am
There is also luck involved in the fact that the partner earning the $$$ did not get brain cancer or die of a massive heart attack or become totally disabled at the age of 35. Even with good insurance, there usually comes a time when the surviving partner has to go out and at least supplement the family income. I'd want my kids prepared to do that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:22am

I never said being a SAHM was lucky.  Where I am lucky in in havng chosen a man who has supported me (not just financially) for 30+ years.    It was not much different than throwing out a dice as I had no idea at 22 what a wonderful choice I was making.  I was no different from all the other woman making the same choice for whom it did not work out so well.  The fact that it worked out for me and not them is just pure luck in the fact that my DH has the character that he has.   They probably went into their marriages thinking that their DH's had that character.  There is nothing special about me that it turned that my DH does have that character and theirs did not.  It was just pure luck to be in the place and time to meet him and for him to feel the same way about me as I did him. 

What does character have to do with making enough money to pay all the bills?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:41am

bordwithyou wrote:
<p>Absolutely in favor of all adults having the skills to be self-supportive.  Whether they ever use those skills in the marketplace is up to them.  But nobody knows what life is going to throw at them.</p>

Ditto this.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:46am

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I agree that all girls (and boys) should grow up and aspire to things they want to do, be it a laywer to a homemaker if they want.  I draw the line at her thought of having it all though, perhaps that's what the author's mistake was.  Were her expectations that a prince would sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after?  Life is about give and take, sacrifices, working hard for what you want.  There's nobody that has it all their way. </p>

My best guess is that her expectations were that her dh would honor their marriage commitment and vows.  To actually work at the give and take, sacrifices and working hard to honor a marriage instead of having a fling with a co-worker.  

PumpkinAngel

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