Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:50am

emptynester2009 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">jamblessedthree</em> wrote:</div>&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;I don't call the life of a SAHP lucky but that's probably b/c of my own perspectives and experiences here too.  My mother was a SAHP, she wasn't lucky even though dad supported our whole family financially all those years, I don't consider wives with husbands that work lucky nor would I place myself in that category.  It's a blessing to stay at home esp with young children IMO/E but there's a lot of efforts and sacrifices in there, Lucky sounds like throwing it out like dice and taking the chance of where it falls, Lol. &lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;</blockquote></p><p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">I never said being a SAHM was lucky.  Where I am lucky in in havng chosen a man who has supported me (not just financially) for 30+ years.    It was not much different than throwing out a dice as I had no idea at 22 what a wonderful choice I was making.  I was no different from all the other woman making the same choice for whom it did not work out so well.  The fact that it worked out for me and not them is just pure luck in the fact that my DH has the character that he has.   They probably went into their marriages thinking that their DH's had that character.  There is nothing special about me that it turned that my DH does have that character and theirs did not.  It was just pure luck to be in the place and time to meet him and for him to feel the same way about me as I did him.  </span></p>

I get what you are saying....there is an element of luck involved, I agree.  

PumpkinAngel

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Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:51am

bordwithyou wrote:
There is also luck involved in the fact that the partner earning the $$$ did not get brain cancer or die of a massive heart attack or become totally disabled at the age of 35. Even with good insurance, there usually comes a time when the surviving partner has to go out and at least supplement the family income. I'd want my kids prepared to do that.

Agreed, sometimes we make plans about the future with lots of planning and thought and things don't happen the way we expect.  

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:54am
I think being *dependent* upon anyone - male, female, canine, whatever - is rarely a good idea. Sometimes it's necessary in the short-term (supporting a spouse through school, for example) and sometimes it's necessary in the long-term (a critically ill spouse or special needs), but barring exigent circumstances, it's a bad idea. Being *interdependent* upon a spouse? That I can get behind.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:54am

I get what you are saying....there is an element of luck involved, I agree.  

How so?

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:57am

<<What does character have to do with making enough money to pay all the bills?>>

 

Are you serious?  Usually, making enough money to pay the bills means one has to have enough character to hold down a job, to work hard, to show up every day, to manage the finances, to not gamble it away, to not treat people well, to be honest.  People without character are the ones that lose jobs because they don't show up, lose jobs because they embezzle, lose jobs because they treat customers like dirt, etc, etc etc.

 

There are, of course, exceptions. There are many people of fine character that have hit hard times and struggle financially. And there are many people of poor character that get lucky and skate through life.   But those are the abnormalities, not the usual.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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Registered: 07-31-2013

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I agree that all girls (and boys) should grow up and aspire to things they want to do, be it a laywer to a homemaker if they want.  I draw the line at her thought of having it all though, perhaps that's what the author's mistake was.  Were her expectations that a prince would sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after?  Life is about give and take, sacrifices, working hard for what you want.  There's nobody that has it all their way. </p>

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 9:59am

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">I get what you are saying....there is an element of luck involved, I agree.  </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">How so?</span></strong></p>

Luck that the working spouse doesn't work for Enron and lose everything through no fault of his own, luck that the working spouse doesn't die of brain cancer when he is 28 and you have two young kids, luck that the working spouse doesn't get hit by a bus on his way to work and be a quadripilegic for the rest of his life ... just a few examples.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:02am

Are you serious?  Usually, making enough money to pay the bills means one has to have enough character to hold down a job, to work hard, to show up every day, to manage the finances, to not gamble it away, to not treat people well, to be honest.  People without character are the ones that lose jobs because they don't show up, lose jobs because they embezzle, lose jobs because they treat customers like dirt, etc, etc etc.

There are, of course, exceptions. There are many people of fine character that have hit hard times and struggle financially. And there are many people of poor character that get lucky and skate through life.   But those are the abnormalities, not the usual.

There are MANY people who have character who STILL can not be the sole breadwinner. There are many reasons why households need more than one income and character is not always the reason. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:04am

Luck that the working spouse doesn't work for Enron and lose everything through no fault of his own, luck that the working spouse doesn't die of brain cancer when he is 28 and you have two young kids, luck that the working spouse doesn't get hit by a bus on his way to work and be a quadripilegic for the rest of his life ... just a few examples.

Then EVERYONE has luck?

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:10am

tanchick2013 wrote:
Then EVERYONE has luck?</span></strong></p>

No -- my friend whose dh died of brain cancer when they had two young kids was not lucky.  My WW leader who lost her husband to a sudden heart attack when they had two girls in HS and one in college was not lucky.  My HS friend whose husband left her for another man - while she was homeschooling two young boys - was not lucky.

 

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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