Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:11am

savcal2011 wrote:
<p>&lt;&lt;<span style="text-align:left; font-family:'comic sans ms', sans-serif; font-size:medium"><strong>What does character have to do with making enough money to pay all the bills?&gt;&gt;</strong></span></p><p><span style="text-align:left; font-family:'comic sans ms', sans-serif; font-size:medium"><strong></strong></span> </p><p><span style="text-align:left; font-family:tahoma,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small">Are you serious?  Usually, making enough money to pay the bills means one has to have enough character to hold down a job, to work hard, to show up every day, to manage the finances, to not gamble it away, to not treat people well, to be honest.  People without character are the ones that lose jobs because they don't show up, lose jobs because they embezzle, lose jobs because they treat customers like dirt, etc, etc etc.</span></p><p><span style="text-align:left; font-family:tahoma,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small"></span> </p><p><span style="text-align:left; font-family:tahoma,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small">There are, of course, exceptions. There are many people of fine character that have hit hard times and struggle financially. And there are many people of poor character that get lucky and skate through life.   But those are the abnormalities, not the usual. </span></p>

I agree, character isn't about money, its about doing the right thing even if no one is watching.  Take the op for example, the man in the article shows a clear lack of character in not honoring his marriage vows and becoming a cheating spouse.  

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for NO_BODY
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Registered: 07-09-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:12am

People with character can ALWAYS be a sole breadwinner.

Character is ALWAYS the reason a household can manage on one income.

Avatar for NO_BODY
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:12am

EVERYONE always has lots of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:13am

No -- my friend whose dh died of brain cancer when they had two young kids was not lucky.  My WW leader who lost her husband to a sudden heart attack when they had two girls in HS and one in college was not lucky.  My HS friend whose husband left her for another man - while she was homeschooling two young boys - was not lucky.

 So they are homeless and poor now? They had NO other luck? NOTHING worked out for them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:13am

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">tanchick2013</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&gt;I get what you are saying....there is an element of luck involved, I agree.  &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&gt;How so?&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Luck that the working spouse doesn't work for Enron and lose everything through no fault of his own, luck that the working spouse doesn't die of brain cancer when he is 28 and you have two young kids, luck that the working spouse doesn't get hit by a bus on his way to work and be a quadripilegic for the rest of his life ... just a few examples.</p>

Hey sav...have you ever seen the movie Sliding Doors?  I think that's the name, it's about life and how luck plays a huge part in ones life.  Just simple choices, a matter of minutes...really an interesting movie.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:16am

NO_BODY wrote:
<p>People with character can ALWAYS be a sole breadwinner.</p><p>Character is ALWAYS the reason a household can manage on one income.</p>

Ah yes, because as jb3 says there is no luck involved in being a sahm, it must be character in having a wohp and sahp relationship.  BAER as sav would say.  ;)

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:26am

This conversation reminds me of the time I tried to explain "aqua" to a friend who has been blind from birth. She was interested in the concept, but that's about as far as it went.

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 10:57am

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">No -- my friend whose dh died of brain cancer when they had two young kids was not lucky.  My WW leader who lost her husband to a sudden heart attack when they had two girls in HS and one in college was not lucky.  My HS friend whose husband left her for another man - while she was homeschooling two young boys - was not lucky.</p><p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"><strong> So they are homeless and poor now? They had NO other luck? NOTHING worked out for them?</strong></p>

That's not even close to what I said.  To put this back into context (you booted it so far out of context it is in the stratosphere), the unlucky circumstance of losing her husband early made it impossible for her to be a SAHP.  That was the conversation at hand - how luck can play a role in being able to be a SAHP and be dependent on a man.

Things have worked out well for her - her children are successful and happy. She's found a career that she's fabulous at. But those things weren't luck. Those things were hard work and CHARACTER.  Those things were in spite of the bad luck.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:06am

That's not even close to what I said.  To put this back into context (you booted it so far out of context it is in the stratosphere), the unlucky circumstance of losing her husband early made it impossible for her to be a SAHP.  That was the conversation at hand - how luck can play a role in being able to be a SAHP and be dependent on a man.

Things have worked out well for her - her children are successful and happy. She's found a career that she's fabulous at. But those things weren't luck. Those things were hard work and CHARACTER.  Those things were in spite of the bad luck.

Those things were the way God PLANNED them to be. Were they HORRIBLE situations? Absolutely. There is a reason for everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:07am

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Luck that the working spouse doesn't work for Enron and lose everything through no fault of his own, luck that the working spouse doesn't die of brain cancer when he is 28 and you have two young kids, luck that the working spouse doesn't get hit by a bus on his way to work and be a quadripilegic for the rest of his life ... just a few examples.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Then EVERYONE has luck?</span></strong></p>

That response means you think that NO ONE 1. had a spouse who worked at Enron & lost their job through no fault of their own. (So that applies to all companies?) 2.  had the main working spouse die of brain cancer at age 28 (well you said everyone, so that means it didn't happen to anyone at any age?) and of course no had their breadwinner spouse hit by a bus and become a quadripilegic for the rest of their life (again everyone has luck and these these can't happen?)  Why would you think that?  That's really confusing and does not make sense.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

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