Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:02pm

Meeting the right person at the right time is luck.  Having compatible personalities is luck. Having compatible life goals/dreams is luck.    Maintaining a relationship based upon those (and other) things is hard work.

And, again, I don't believe my life is based upon God's plan. 

I thought you weren't going to talk religion anymore? Bawhhaaaa...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:04pm

I never in any of my posted linked having character and paying all the bills.   I agree income has nothing to do with character.

I said that he has character because he does, for 30+ years he has always put his family first.  

But you claimed his character is why you could be a SAHM. Are you now saying that a man that puts his family first and still can not pay all the bills does NOT have character?

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:08pm

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px">Meeting the right person at the right time is luck.  Having compatible personalities is luck. Having compatible life goals/dreams is luck.    Maintaining a relationship based upon those (and other) things is hard work.</p><p style="font-size:13px">And, again, I don't believe my life is based upon God's plan. </p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>I thought you weren't going to talk religion anymore? Bawhhaaaa...</strong></p>

I said I wouldn't debate it. And I'm not. I've made a simple statement - not a religious debate point.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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Registered: 02-24-2010

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p>Littlemiss-this is from Empty:</p><p><span style="font-family:'comic sans ms', sans-serif; font-size:medium">The fact that it worked out for me and not them is just pure luck in the fact that my DH has the character that he has.   They probably went into their marriages thinking that their DH's had that character.  There is nothing special about me that it turned that my DH does have that character and theirs did not.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-family:'comic sans ms', sans-serif; font-size:medium">And again, she said her dh has the character that he has. AND? That character does not ensure you will be able to fully support a family, financially.</span></strong></p>

I'm done.  Tanchick you continue to stubbornly argue something that has been pointed out to you many times is not what she is saying.  Continuing to point this out is fruitless and a waste of time.  I'd rather stare at the ceiling, it would be more productive.

I agree with Hollie meeting the right person and marriage has a component of luck.  God's plan has nothing to do with it, IMO.  However Tanchick you can continue to say that God plans up your life for you and continue to not see the difference and trying to argue other things that are not even compatible.  No one may actually argue from this point forward that I am saying other stupid things that I am not saying.  LIke marriage doesn't take work, etc.  Because you will look silly and I'm not going to read them anyway.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:10pm

Bye LittleMiss. Have a lovely evening Laughing

Avatar for NO_BODY
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:14pm

I hate having to repeat myself. Maybe if I make it bold and big.

 

 

People with character can ALWAYS be a sole breadwinner.

Character is ALWAYS the reason a household can manage on one income.

EVERYONE always has lots of luck.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:17pm

litlmiss_cantbewrong wrote:
>I'm done.  Tanchick you continue to stubbornly argue something that has been pointed out to you many times is not what she is saying.  Continuing to point this out is fruitless and a waste of time.  I'd rather stare at the ceiling, it would be more productive.</p><p>I agree with Hollie meeting the right person and marriage has a component of luck.  God's plan has nothing to do with it, IMO.  However Tanchick you can continue to say that God plans up your life for you and continue to not see the difference and trying to argue other things that are not even compatible.  No one may actually argue from this point forward that I am saying other stupid things that I am not saying.  LIke marriage doesn't take work, etc.  Because you will look silly and I'm not going to read them anyway.</p>

And let me just say - if a person believes that meeting the right person (or any other event or circumstance in their life) was God's plan, that's their right and I wont say that belief is wrong.  I respect their belief.  Just like they should respect mine.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:55pm

>But you claimed his character is why you could be a SAHM. Are you now saying that a man that puts his family first and still can not pay all the bills does NOT have character?</span></strong></p><p style="font-size:13px"></p>[/quote]

I did not say that his character was why I could SAH,  I said that his character in putting his family first is why we are still married and others are not.

Again character has nothing to do with income.  I never said that it did.  There are many wonderful, loving DH's whose income is not enough to support their household.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 8:32pm
No one is saying that a person who can't support a family all by him or herself lacks character. But if a man runs out on his family like the guy in the OP, that is a lack of character. If Empty's husband had run out on her like the dude in the article, she wouldn't have been able to be a SAHP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 8:36pm
"God will take care of your marriage when you take care of it. Just like you can't sit on your butt and expect God to make a good life for you. He needs your help in doing that." Strange God. You do all the work, he gets all the credit. And he is impotent without human help.

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