Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:09am
Not everyone believes in predestination.
Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:09am

tanchick2013 wrote:
Those things were the way God PLANNED them to be. Were they HORRIBLE situations? Absolutely. There is a reason for everything.</strong></p>

And statement like this are one of the many reasons I'm an agnostic.  1) It assumes the person you're speaking to is a Christian or at least religous enough to belive in God. and 2) I can't support a notion that God plans for a young man to die a terrible death in the prime of his life. 

But, this isn't the place for a religion debate, so I'll stop now.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:10am

"There is also luck involved in the fact that the partner earning the $$$ did not get brain cancer or die of a massive heart attack or become totally disabled at the age of 35."

Yes, that is what I meant, or that the working spouse' s job did not get outsourced or the job just ceased to exist (typographers in the 80s, for example, many people did not see that coming so swiftly and completely).

The other day one of my cancer ladies told us that she and her dh had gone on a trip to celebrate her survival and finished treatment. He went for a run, collapsed and died of a sudden heart attack. He was early 40s. They have 3 kids.

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Registered: 02-24-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:13am

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">That's not even close to what I said.  To put this back into context (you booted it so far out of context it is in the stratosphere), the unlucky circumstance of losing her husband early made it impossible for her to be a SAHP.  That was the conversation at hand - how luck can play a role in being able to be a SAHP and be dependent on a man.</p><p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Things have worked out well for her - her children are successful and happy. She's found a career that she's fabulous at. But those things weren't luck. Those things were hard work and CHARACTER.  Those things were in spite of the bad luck.</p><p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"><strong>Those things were the way God PLANNED them to be. Were they HORRIBLE situations? Absolutely. There is a reason for everything.</strong></p>

YOu don't believe in the concept of luck?  There's plenty of people who didn't have those kind of catastrophies happen in their life, whether God "planned" for them to happen or not.  People like you call that being "blessed" and go on about how "blessed" their life is.  Luck is the same thing, just giving God the credit. 

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:16am

And statement like this are one of the many reasons I'm an agnostic.  1) It assumes the person you're speaking to is a Christian or at least religous enough to belive in God. and 2) I can't support a notion that God plans for a young man to die a terrible death in the prime of his life. 

But, this isn't the place for a religion debate, so I'll stop now.

We don't know WHY horrible things happen but think about this person's situation and other people who have had horrible things happen to them. Things happen for a reason and while it might not make sense in the beginning, it might years later when they remarry, have more children, move, etc. I truly believe that things happen for a reason, we meet people for a reason. 

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:17am

"Usually, making enough money to pay the bills means one has to have enough character to hold down a job,"

Apart from not gambling, character also plays a role in actually honoring your marriage wow and not taking off with some bimbo. That just happened to a friend, and she had just followed him for his job, so she is in a terrible situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:17am

YOu don't believe in the concept of luck?  There's plenty of people who didn't have those kind of catastrophies happen in their life, whether God "planned" for them to happen or not.  People like you call that being "blessed" and go on about how "blessed" their life is.  Luck is the same thing, just giving God the credit. 

Nope, not luck, it is the plan for your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:22am
That's not even supported scripturally or by Catholic doctrine. You just made that up. Fine if it works for you, but there's no way you can demonstrate your cosmology to be objectively true.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:22am

"And statement like this are one of the many reasons I'm an agnostic." 

Just FTR, most Christian churches do not go with predestination. My church would consider such a belief heretical.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 11:25am

tanchick2013 wrote:
Nope, not luck, it is the plan for your life.</span></strong></p>

I completely disagree.  I think we make our own lives and create our own paths, in the presence of luck (both good and bad).  I don't think these things are planned to that extent. I think the concept of "fate" can play in, in small doses or with particular singular events, but that the majority of our lives are of our own making.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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