Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 5:54pm

I'm amused that there is a stroke of luck to a marriage, a marriage is like the lottery to some I suppose... If it fails gamble for your next partner on match dot com, you're bound to find again there.  Lol. 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:27pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><em><strong><span style="text-align:left; font-family:'comic sans ms', sans-serif; font-size:medium"><span style="font-size:medium">What does character have to do with making enough money to pay all the bills?</span></span></strong></em></p><p><strong><span style="text-align:left; font-family:'comic sans ms', sans-serif; font-size:medium"><span style="font-size:medium">Because she's in a marriage where all things are assumed equal to others.  </span></span></strong></p>

It isn't a "character issue" whether a couple decides they will have a SAHP or both will WOH.  It IS a character issue when one of the partners agrees to be the breadwinner and then decides, after the kids are born, that he'd tired of bringing home the bread and wants to party with co-workers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:27pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I'm amused that there is a stroke of luck to a marriage, a marriage is like the lottery to some I suppose... If it fails gamble for your next partner on match dot com, you're bound to find again there.  Lol. </p>

That's kind of rude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:43pm

I'm amused that there is a stroke of luck to a marriage, a marriage is like the lottery to some I suppose... If it fails gamble for your next partner on match dot com, you're bound to find again there.  Lol. 

Bawahhhaaa....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:43pm

>What does character have to do with making enough money to pay all the bills?</span></strong></p>[/quote]

Abslutely nothing.

He has the character to always put his family first.

He has the  character to not have girl friends on the side.

He has the character to not leave his wife.

I am sure that there are many woman who thought  when they got married their DH's had that character too but they found out that they didn't.  .  I was no smarter than them in picking my DH I was just  lucky that he does have that character.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:44pm

It isn't a "character issue" whether a couple decides they will have a SAHP or both will WOH.  It IS a character issue when one of the partners agrees to be the breadwinner and then decides, after the kids are born, that he'd tired of bringing home the bread and wants to party with co-workers.

Do you think that ALL people are like this? You don't think that there are people out there that have "character" and STILL not be able to pay ALL the bills on one salary?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:46pm

What does character have to do with making enough money to pay all the bills?</span></strong></p>[/quote]

Abslutely nothing.

He has the character to always put his family first.

He has the  character to not have girl friends on the side.

He has the character to not leave his wife.

I am sure that there are many woman who thought  when they got married their DH's had that character too but they found out that they didn't.  .  I was no smarter than them in picking my DH I was just  lucky that he does have that character. 

So why did you say he has "character" then? I know MANY men AND women who have "character" but can NOT pay all the bills. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Gotcha, You lucked out and are in a marriage that survived unlike a marriage - just like yours - that would not..... </p><p>I have lots of school work to tackle but will finish replying to some of this later, Interesting direction this has taken. </p>

Well I totally understood what Emptynester was saying about having some luck with ending up with a marriage that survived, and that her dh was able to continue to be the breadwinner throughout their marriage.  Which worked out well, since if that changed, her job skills wouldn't allow for her to take over as the breadwinner or support herself the same way.  There is luck involved in marriage--in the person being who you think they are when you meet and are young, and both altruistically believing they are in love, and that they are the right spouse.  There is luck that something tragic doesn't happen to severely alter the plans/dreams of either spouse or changes them enough that they both still want the same things.  There is luck that the person you married ended up being the person you believed them to be.  I'm sure you will disagree with anything I say Jam, but there is luck involved.  That doesn't erase the fact that it also takes work and other things to keep a marriage together.  I have been married for 21 years, so you cannot dismiss my opinion due to any divorce. 

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I'm amused that there is a stroke of luck to a marriage, a marriage is like the lottery to some I suppose... If it fails gamble for your next partner on match dot com, you're bound to find again there.  Lol. </p>

As usual, no one said that or meant it.  

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:48pm

It is not luck, it is work. Again, god's plan. Maybe god knew that Empty would never be able to support a family on her income for whatever reason and made it be that she met her dh. 

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