Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">It isn't a "character issue" whether a couple decides they will have a SAHP or both will WOH.  It IS a character issue when one of the partners agrees to be the breadwinner and then decides, after the kids are born, that he'd tired of bringing home the bread and wants to party with co-workers.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Do you think that ALL people are like this? You don't think that there are people out there that have "character" and STILL not be able to pay ALL the bills on one salary?</span></strong></p>

Wow Tanchick, you don't even understand what she was saying.  

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

emptynester2009 wrote:
<p>&gt;What does character have to do with making enough money to pay all the bills?&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
</p><p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">Abslutely nothing.</span></p><p><span style="font-size:medium">He has the character to always put his family first.</span></p><p><span style="font-size:medium"></span><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">He has the  character to not have girl friends on the side.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">He has the character to not leave his wife.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">I am sure that there are many woman who thought  when they got married their DH's had that character too but they found out that they didn't.  .  I was no smarter than them in picking my DH I was just  lucky that he does have that character. <br /></span></p>[/quote]

I agree with you Emptynester.  Now, Jam and Tanchick will "trying" to argue for 1700 posts that it takes work and not just luck.  Even though you are not saying it takes ONLY luck.  

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:51pm

Wow Tanchick, you don't even understand what she was saying.  

I totally understand what she is saying. You don't think that someone can not have these character issues and STILL not be able to pay all the bills?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:51pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I'm amused that there is a stroke of luck to a marriage, a marriage is like the lottery to some I suppose... If it fails gamble for your next partner on match dot com, you're bound to find again there.  Lol. </p>

Where the stroke of luck comes in my marriage was that I met my DH.  For that to happen we both had to join the Air Force and both had to be stationed at the same base at the same time. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p>It is not luck, it is work. Again, god's plan. Maybe god knew that Empty would never be able to support a family on her income for whatever reason and made it be that she met her dh. </p>

Ha!  You can't have it both ways.  You can't say it's work, when it's god's plan. If it's god's plan it really doesn't matter what you do either way, no need to work at the marriage or not, god will take care of it.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:53pm

No, she said her dh did not CHANGE his character like these other men. Why do you think that only men (or women) that change their character can not support their families? What about the ones whose character's do NOT change and they STILL can not support them fully? Men and women are NOT lucky to have them in their lives BECAUSE they have to work?

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:54pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Gotcha, You lucked out and are in a marriage that survived unlike a marriage - just like yours - that would not..... </p><p>I have lots of school work to tackle but will finish replying to some of this later, Interesting direction this has taken. </p>

Who are you talking to?

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:54pm

><p>It isn't a "character issue" whether a couple decides they will have a SAHP or both will WOH.  It IS a character issue when one of the partners agrees to be the breadwinner and then decides, after the kids are born, that he'd tired of bringing home the bread and wants to party with co-workers.</p>[/quote]

That was the point that I was trying to make. 

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:54pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I'm amused that there is a stroke of luck to a marriage, a marriage is like the lottery to some I suppose... If it fails gamble for your next partner on match dot com, you're bound to find again there.  Lol. </p>

What does this even mean?

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:55pm

Where the stroke of luck comes in my marriage was that I met my DH.  For that to happen we both had to join the Air Force and both had to be stationed at the same base at the same time. 

Exactly what I have been saying. Putting the right people in your path, being meant to be, God having a plan. 

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