Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:56pm

Ha!  You can't have it both ways.  You can't say it's work, when it's god's plan. If it's god's plan it really doesn't matter what you do either way, no need to work at the marriage or not, god will take care of it.

Yes, God will take care of your marriage when YOU take care of it. Just like you can't sit on your butt and expect God to make a good life for you. He needs YOUR help in doing that. 

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:56pm

tanchick2013 wrote:
Do you think that ALL people are like this? You don't think that there are people out there that have "character" and STILL not be able to pay ALL the bills on one salary?</span></strong></p>

As usual, you are arguing with things that no one has said.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:57pm

tanchick2013 wrote:
So why did you say he has "character" then? I know MANY men AND women who have "character" but can NOT pay all the bills. </span></strong></p>

 

Again, you are arguing with things that no one has said.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:57pm

><p>It isn't a "character issue" whether a couple decides they will have a SAHP or both will WOH.  It IS a character issue when one of the partners agrees to be the breadwinner and then decides, after the kids are born, that he'd tired of bringing home the bread and wants to party with co-workers.</p>[/quote]

That was the point that I was trying to make. 

And what if their character does NOT change and they STILL can not support their family fully, financially? Is that STILL a character flaw as you claimed that your dh kept his character and that is why you were able to be a SAHM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Wow Tanchick, you don't even understand what she was saying.  </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">I totally understand what she is saying. You don't think that someone can not have these character issues and STILL not be able to pay all the bills?</span></strong></p>

No Tanchick, that's not what she is saying.  Not. Not. Not.  I will amend my prophecy.  There will be 1700 posts where Tanchick "tries" to argue that others are saying if you have character you can pay all the bills yourself (when not. one. person. is. saying. that.) Again, you don't understand ANYTHING about the actual conversation.  And for 1700 more posts Jam will "argue" that everyone is saying it only takes luck to have a good marriage, when no one is not saying that.  I guess you could get up to 3400 posts at least...since it's a combination of 2 different comments that you do not actually understand what other posters are saying and arguing ridiculous things that no one is saying. 

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 6:59pm

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p>It is not luck, it is work. Again, god's plan. Maybe god knew that Empty would never be able to support a family on her income for whatever reason and made it be that she met her dh. </p>

Meeting the right person at the right time is luck.  Having compatible personalities is luck. Having compatible life goals/dreams is luck.    Maintaining a relationship based upon those (and other) things is hard work.

And, again, I don't believe my life is based upon God's plan. 

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

tanchick2013 wrote:
<p>No, she said her dh did not CHANGE his character like these other men. Why do you think that only men (or women) that change their character can not support their families? What about the ones whose character's do NOT change and they STILL can not support them fully? Men and women are NOT lucky to have them in their lives BECAUSE they have to work?</p>

That's a convuluted "thing" of what she did not say.  Again, you don't understand what it is Emptynester has said.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:00pm

">So why did you say he has "character" then? I know MANY men AND women who have "character" but can NOT pay all the bills. </span></strong></p>[/quote]

I never in any of my posted linked having character and paying all the bills.   I agree income has nothing to do with character.

I said that he has character because he does, for 30+ years he has always put his family first. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

emptynester2009 wrote:
<p>&gt;&lt;p&gt;It isn't a "character issue" whether a couple decides they will have a SAHP or both will WOH.  It IS a character issue when one of the partners agrees to be the breadwinner and then decides, after the kids are born, that he'd tired of bringing home the bread and wants to party with co-workers.&lt;/p&gt;
</p><p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,sans-serif; font-size:medium">That was the point that I was trying to make.  </span></p>[/quote]

Emptynester, that point was very clear, you did make it.  I understood it perfectly.  Typically, others did not.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 7:01pm

Littlemiss-this is from Empty:

The fact that it worked out for me and not them is just pure luck in the fact that my DH has the character that he has.   They probably went into their marriages thinking that their DH's had that character.  There is nothing special about me that it turned that my DH does have that character and theirs did not.

And again, she said her dh has the character that he has. AND? That character does not ensure you will be able to fully support a family, financially.

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