Do you think you should rely on a man?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you think you should rely on a man?
1648
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 3:45pm

I thought the following article was a good read.  It conveys an important message that whatever you decide to do, be prepared to support yourself because you can't count on a man to be there to take care of you.   The author found herself divorced, her ex quit his job and she had a very hard time making ends meet: 

No matter what you do in life, whether you aspire to career greatness or whether you embrace motherhood and housekeeping with open arms, or whether you find yourself doing both of these things at the same time, do it well. Do it with everything you have, with all your heart and with great gusto. But do it wisely.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did and put your life in someone else's hands. And always, always, ALWAYS have a Plan B.

Tell your daughters and your granddaughters and all the other girls in your life this: It's OK to fall in love and have babies and be the homemaker. It's also OK to go to law school or business school or medical school or to beauty school or trade school. In fact, it's more than OK if you want to do BOTH. Better than OK... it's the smart thing to do. Tell our girls that they really can have it all, but ALL on their terms.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/mama-dont-let-your-babies_grow-up-to-be-housewives_b_3773133.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

This is something I feel very strongly about, you never know what life has in store for you so you should be prepared.  

What do you think of her advice? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:28pm

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">pumpkinangel</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"&gt;&lt;div class="quote-author"&gt;&lt;em class="placeholder"&gt;savcal2011&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"&amp;gt;&amp;lt;div class="quote-author"&amp;gt;&amp;lt;em class="placeholder"&amp;gt;mortyswife&amp;lt;/em&amp;gt; wrote:&amp;lt;/div&amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&amp;amp;gt;There are many subjects I discuss with my close IRL friends that I wouldn't begin to discuss on FB. &amp;amp;lt;/span&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;strong&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&amp;amp;gt;Why not? Why couldn't you message that person?&amp;amp;lt;/span&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;/strong&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;gt;&amp;lt;/blockquote&amp;gt;&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;Some things (many) are just better face to face.  And often more enjoyable too.  (Cyber wine just isn't the same as the real stuff.)&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;So true Sav, so true.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Or cyber beer and cyber sushi.</p><p>And cyber baseball with cyber bartenders from Tulsa.</p>

Yes, according to monty there isn't much of a difference between irl conversations and pm on fb.  BAER.  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:27pm

thardy2001 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">mortyswife</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&gt;I wouldn't discuss many things via email either.  Too impersonal.&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="text-align:left"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:x-small"&gt;&lt;span&gt;I guess my friends are not that formal. lol. If it is too much to put into a message, of course, we will call each other.&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>That's the "problem" I've had.  From FB, we go to a pm and then, because there's just so much important stuff, lol, we take it to the phone or our next get-together.  I fully admit, many people type and pm/respond so much faster than I do.  And if you have a window open at work, it's just much more convenient to pm the juicy stuff. <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" title="Wink" border="0" /></p>

Hmm....just yesterday you didn't have a facebook, were talking about setting up one and now you go from FB to pm and then to the phone.   Oh and you think it's more convenient to have a window open at work to pm your comments?  Things change really quickly in your life.

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:25pm

pumpkinangel wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">savcal2011</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"&gt;&lt;div class="quote-author"&gt;&lt;em class="placeholder"&gt;mortyswife&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&amp;gt;There are many subjects I discuss with my close IRL friends that I wouldn't begin to discuss on FB. &amp;lt;/span&amp;gt;&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;strong&amp;gt;&amp;lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&amp;gt;Why not? Why couldn't you message that person?&amp;lt;/span&amp;gt;&amp;lt;/strong&amp;gt;&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Some things (many) are just better face to face.  And often more enjoyable too.  (Cyber wine just isn't the same as the real stuff.)&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>So true Sav, so true.</p>

Or cyber beer and cyber sushi.

And cyber baseball with cyber bartenders from Tulsa.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:16pm

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">mortyswife</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&gt;There are many subjects I discuss with my close IRL friends that I wouldn't begin to discuss on FB. &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&gt;Why not? Why couldn't you message that person?&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Some things (many) are just better face to face.  And often more enjoyable too.  (Cyber wine just isn't the same as the real stuff.)</p>

So true Sav, so true.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:15pm

bordwithyou wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">mortyswife</em> wrote:</div>&lt;div style="border-bottom-color:#cccccc; border-bottom-width:1px; border-bottom-style:solid; font-size:13px; text-align:left"&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;p&gt;Yep, we've seen the photos!  People can get competitive about lists of their FB friends.  It used to be Christmas card lists.  Growing up, I had a neighbor who "bragged" (?) she sent out hundreds of cards.  Sadly, I knew she didn't see many visitors or go out much.  Odd. ;)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Yep FB is the same. People brag on how many "friends" they have on there but in reality, they are not really anyone they truly know. I understand the whole networking thing but why bother to have to scroll through people you don't really know everyday? In the beginning I friended everyone too but have eliminated about 200 people throughout the years. &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</blockquote></p><p>You can stay friends with someone on fb if you only want to contact them occasionally and then "hide" their feeds.  Then, when you want to talk to them, you can go visit their page.</p>

It's really pretty simple if on understands how facebook works.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:14pm

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Again.....had a couple today appear in my newsfeed as a new status that were really old status of friends (anywhere from a few months to a year old), because they changed something on their status, I didn't post anything on that particular status.    They simply added pictures to an old status and it became new again.  If someone writes something on an old status, it becomes new again, it doesn't stay down in date order.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Nope, not in my settings. Maybe you don't have your setting set up correctly then. Mine are only when someone responds to something I responded to. </span></strong></p>

Well, since they are appearing in my status when someone responds days,weeks or months later...I wouldn't be assuming that my settings are wrong, especially when one is claiming to read all the posts in the news threads. Think how many you might be missing....

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:13pm

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Yes it will.  If someone changes an old status, it will appear again as a new status, that's how status keep rising to the top when you have it in date order.  Again, I'm not talking about notifications here but things appearing in the news feed. </span></p><p style="text-align:left"><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>Unless my settings are different than yours, the ONLY way I see a status AGAIN is if I responded to it and it will come up on my notifications that someone else responded to it. I know for a fact because I have gone back into status' before when someone tells me about something to look at and it does not come back up on my newsfeed. </span></span></strong></p>

I don't know, but I'm not talking about going back to look at something, I specificaly said in my my multiple examples that the old status has to be modified in some way.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:12pm

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">What a good marriage.  I've been relegated to a quick, "Getting in the car in 3 ~ so what's new, hon?" phone call from dh. </span><img src="http://www.ivillage.com/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif" alt="Smile" title="Smile" border="0" style="font-size:13px; text-align:left" /></p><p><strong>Awwww.....it is a good way to be able to say things to one another that you can't say in front of the kids (if we are in the same room). lol. </strong></p>

That is really important.  If I'm especially agitated by something that happened during the day, (moreso than usual), then I might talk to him in the car.  But then he's alone and I'm with the children!  So those conversations wait until they're in bed.  And by that time, I'm often asleep, completely exhausted.  So, win-win for my husband! Wink

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2013
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:02pm

What a good marriage.  I've been relegated to a quick, "Getting in the car in 3 ~ so what's new, hon?" phone call from dh. Smile

Awwww.....it is a good way to be able to say things to one another that you can't say in front of the kids (if we are in the same room). lol. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 5:00pm

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">That's the "problem" I've had.  From FB, we go to a pm and then, because there's just so much important stuff, lol, we take it to the phone or our next get-together.  I fully admit, many people type and pm/respond so much faster than I do.  And if you have a window open at work, it's just much more convenient to pm the juicy stuff. </span><img src="http://www.ivillage.com/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" title="Wink" border="0" style="font-size:13px; text-align:left" /></p><p><strong>You should see the stuff my dh and I PM <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" title="Wink" border="0" /></strong></p>

What a good marriage.  I've been relegated to a quick, "Getting in the car in 3 ~ so what's new, hon?" phone call from dh. Smile

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