Does SAH create demanding children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Does SAH create demanding children?
113
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:03am
I am reading The Mask of Motherhood and although I am not in total agreement of her theories and discussions, I thought they would be interesting in the context of this board.

One of her discussions focuses around the idea that now that mothers have more time/less household demands coupled with the parenting child-centered philosphies that the children have become more demanding of our time and attention.

Of course this discussion can take place regardless of employment status, but as the author seemed to be a SAHP, she clearly points to this as part of the reason we have "selfish brats".

SUS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:30am
Ooohh interesting. And I agree that it can happen regardless of working status. MOF, I would think it would be the opposite. Perhaps mom and dad trying to make up for too many hours spent at work?

But sometimes I think that we have demanding children because we live in a society which is ALL about them. Their health and well being, their feelings, yadda yadda yadda.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:31am
I SAH and my children are not demanding. This has been an issue from day one, as they are just eleven months apart in age. Basically, my parenting style is that I am the parent, they are the children. I do not take demands from children. It is that simple!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:00am
i think alot of the "brats" we see today come from kids thinking the world revolves around them.

and i dont think that has anything to do with sah/woh, but rather how some parents choose to parent. personally i dont want my kids to think the world or our family revolve around them, but rather that they are equal members in both and will get out what they put in.

Jennie

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:11am
You know, I think it really depends on the parent. DH and I were talking this morning about a family we know, the mom is a SAHM (so am I) and her little girl is just awful. Demanding, doesn't mind at all... Same age as my DS. I used to trade babysitting with her until I noticed when I was there, if the kids (they're both around 2 1/2) are arguing over a toy or something, like 2yo's do, she immediately goes to her little girl and "comforts" her and then tells my ds that he shouldn't do whatever.. (even if both or neither did something wrong) She always gives in when her DD whines, and if she misbehaves, she makes excuses "You're putting her on the spot". My point is, there are SAH parents out there who create spoiled brats, demanding kids, etc, and I think the only reason you notice it more in kids with SAHPs is they have more opportunity to ruin their kids. But I don't think that SAH in general makes kids demanding, it's the parenting style.
Avatar for biancamami
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:31am
I agree...it's about the type of parenting not work status. If you act like the world revolves around your kids they will behave that way!
Ana
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:55am
She kind of addresses that - but I think she buys into the WOHP purchases their kids love through gifts with the money they earn and aussages their guilt from working by not "disciplining" the child.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:28am
So this writer, basically feels neither SAHM or WOHMs are doing anything good?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:44am
I don't think that is it necessarily. I think she is looking at the styles of modern parenting and how the "new" way of doing things is on child demand for just about everything. I guess I also see it as back in the day there were limited options/choices on how our time was spent. We were confined by the things that needed to be done for survival/hygine. Because of "modern" convenience there is a void and the children fill that void with their individual demands.

IMO she definatley is more PRO-SAH than WOH.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:54am
Bad over indulging parents make demanding children. Give them some chores to do and they will become too tired to make demands. Or fire that @$$ up real fast when they make demands. They will get over it.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:57am
Do you think the "more time/less household demands" depends on the mom? Certainly we all have fewer REQUIRED household demands today, since we don't have to bake our own bread, make our own clothes, etc. Many things have become much simpler and quicker even in the last 20 years. But other things that were unheard of 20 years ago seem like "necessary" regular errands today -- dropping movies off at the video store, 20 bajillion activities for the kids, driving all over creation to get bargains on everything at a bajillion different stores. I know SAHM's that drive pretty significant distances every day to buy bread here and something else there. I make a quick stop at the store that's 3 blocks from my house. I know of one SAHM that has an entire day every week dedicated to shopping all the thrift stores to see what new "finds" there are (everybody she knows says she's the person to ask if you're looking for a bargain on something particular!!). My SAH sister talks about the stress of "needing to finish" crafts and gardening the way I talk about having to meet a deadline at work or having to take the car to the shop. Many of the things she considers her "jobs" are things I consider luxuries for when I have time. I don't mean to sound at all judgmental about that. It just seems to me that for many people it's human nature to cut out the chaff when there are too many demands on our time (as for most WOHPs) and likewise to fill in the void with new demands when there's a lot of free time (as for many SAHPs). Do we feel a need in our culture to fill up our time with chores and responsibilities? Why do those things that we think we'd like to have time for become sources of stress when we do have time for them?

I know not everybody fits that description or will relate, but I'm curious about your thoughts anyway.

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