Does SAH create demanding children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Does SAH create demanding children?
113
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:03am
I am reading The Mask of Motherhood and although I am not in total agreement of her theories and discussions, I thought they would be interesting in the context of this board.

One of her discussions focuses around the idea that now that mothers have more time/less household demands coupled with the parenting child-centered philosphies that the children have become more demanding of our time and attention.

Of course this discussion can take place regardless of employment status, but as the author seemed to be a SAHP, she clearly points to this as part of the reason we have "selfish brats".

SUS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:17am
I'm not working class.I was raised middle to upper and I am that now.

However,I do think that middle upper people are a little competitive and worry a lot about our kiss development these days,and are a little bit too"enlightened".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:20am
You don't think someone,like I know IRL,who is 45,adopts a child from China,and qits her 150 + job to sah is going to be a little (understandably) more indulgent than a 30 year old gal married to a firefighter and works ft and has three kids?
Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:27am
Wow, you do love to generalize! I was 31 when my DS was born, make less than 50k and WOHM. Many of the women on the parenting after Infertility board WOHM. Also, there are women who foster to adopt. This isnt costly like international adoption.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:32am
I am a little competitive, I do worry a lot about my kiss development. What the heck do you mean by too "enlightened"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:35am
It is what it is. That's why I don't like msn's prejudices. She's really prejudiced against permissive parenting, not against wealthier, older, more educated parents. Why is it about SES (not in the book, which I haven't read, but in posts here)?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:39am
Indulgent in terms of number of toys, or in not disciplining as firmly as necessary?

Maybe to the first, no way in hell to the second. In fact, if her whole world is going to revolve around her child, she wants to make sure she's comfortable in that world.

Sorry you have friends/acquaintances who fit the stereotype you're trying to pass off here, but that's not my real world. And I have lots of friends who are older, wealthier and your stereotype does not fit.

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:42am
No, I don't. I think that's an *individual personality thing,* NOT and age or SES thing. My brother and SIL adopted two children. My brother and SIL at the time were in their late 30s. SIL quit her job to SAH with her children. She and my brother are level-headed and strict and not "indulgent" (in the bad sense of the word).

Just because you know someone like that doesn't mean that's the general rule. Your generalizations and stereotypes never cease to amaze me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:44am
Because there is a HUGE (IMO) classism component to this debate. Whatever side of the fence you stand on, the property value does make a difference to how you see your choices and how many of those choices you have.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:54am
Sus:

Why does having a choice to SAH make you a slam dunk to be a permissive parent? It's not nice to make such generalizations. After all, I don't go around calling parents white trash just because they're working class...don't slam my parenting because I'm upper middle class without knowing the first thing about my parenting.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:02am
I think that the whole child rearing thing has become too competitive.I read an article by a local writer who dared not send her child to THE preschool because she didn't want to camp out the night before,but now feels like she has been labeled a bad/lazy mom and worries that maybe she has done her child an injsutice.

I think kids are under a lot of pressure these days,and wonder if it would be better if we didn't really care all that much if they got into an elite school or not,as long as they were good people.

I also think the parenting mags,parenting gurus ,and parenting classes can be helpful up to a point,but have turned a lot of parents into neurotic parents.

I also think that working class women either have to work or have to sah,so they don't need to justify anything.

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