Does SAH create demanding children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Does SAH create demanding children?
113
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:03am
I am reading The Mask of Motherhood and although I am not in total agreement of her theories and discussions, I thought they would be interesting in the context of this board.

One of her discussions focuses around the idea that now that mothers have more time/less household demands coupled with the parenting child-centered philosphies that the children have become more demanding of our time and attention.

Of course this discussion can take place regardless of employment status, but as the author seemed to be a SAHP, she clearly points to this as part of the reason we have "selfish brats".

SUS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:23am
Well,I think it is easier to just accept things than to I make a choice for a lot of people.I wouldn't feel guilty about woh if I had to put food on the table,for instance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:30am
I agree with that, but to the author's point we are now taught to give children more than they had before - not only in permissiveness or materially - but in terms of attention and in the belief that good mothers can control things that they may or may not be able to. I don't think it is a bad or good thing one way or another, but it is a substantial difference in overall parenting expectations that did not exist in previous generations.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:31am
Check the temperature in he&&. Because I totally agree with that statement.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:42am
I agree wite that,but that soes back to SES.It seems to me that a working class girl in a large family has more hands on childrearing experience than a girl in a smaller family who was too busy in AP courses to even babysit on the weekends,and got all of her child rearing advice from What To Expect,Dr. Sears,Parenting magazine,etc.

I'd love to see the stats on subscribers to Parenting magazine.I would think it is older,affluent,educated parents with enough leisure time to make organic oven baked cornflake encrusted chicken nuggets in funny shapes and smiley pancakes from whole wheat and sliced exotic fruit on skewers(my favorite-that must take an hour to do)!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:55am
Oh yah, ITA ...

Kids need to know they are special individuals, but at the same time that everyone else is special too. A child I had in care went from an onlie to a big brother at age 6, and then his dad's two children from a previous relationship came to live with them ... the mom began to apologize for all three siblings getting in the way of their once "special relationship" instead of celebrating his new family alliances ... the kid had been such a great kid, he's now so obnoxious I can't stand him anymore.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:59am
I gotta get this book!I know my mom and grandma will say,"He just turned out bad" about some adults,but my generation (and I do this)seems to say,"Well,you know his mom worked all the time or hovered or whatever MOM did".Totally different views.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 12:15pm
I think we're talking past each other. My SIL is the fifth of 10 girls, and spent plenty of time raising her younger sisters. She didn't even want her own kids!!! In part, so she wouldn't be dirt poor as an adult.

My point is, not all childhood/adolescent experiences shape your experiences as adults, based on the SES class you were or are in. A lot of it is personality dependent.

I could be a SAHM with a nanny and a cleaning person and I wouldn't take an hour to make those nuggets and pancakes. It's my personality, not my SES.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 12:20pm
You really fault a mother's work status for the way a child turns out???????? Maybe it's a SAHM thing, but no, I don't think I have THAT much control over my children's futures.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 12:23pm
Please state clearly and concisely what relevance SES class has to parenting styles. The best I can figure is that you think the higher the SES, the more conflicted (neurotic?) the mother may be about her parenting choices.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 12:28pm
I think it is a societal thing. Mothers get the blame for everything and I think we see it all the time. Don't you remember Vice President Quayle blaming single mothers for the LA Riots?

I certainly don't think that WOHM/SAHM/WAHM hold the title in that "little" game.

MSN - you may also want to check out "Motherguilt" by Diane Eyers. There are a lot of overlaps in the discussions, but totally different perspectives.

SUS

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