Don't know what I want!!! Advice please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Don't know what I want!!! Advice please!
6
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 10:12am
I have always made the best of every job, I have worked full time since I was 16 (at night, school during day).
I had DS#1 and I returned to work when he was 6 months old (In Canda we normally get maternity leave for 1 year). I cut back at work and I was only working 50 hours a week (I used to pull 60-80 hrs weekly), with an hour commute. I was burned out by they time he was a year old. Then the announcement we were expected to pull more hours....right. I left and bacame a SAHM.
I stayed home with DS, did some online work that pulled in a little money, but was very happy. DS#2 was born. By then I had been home for almost 1 year.
happiness was waning, we were broke, no money coming in, DH was working 2 FT jobs to support us but bills were still falling behind, I was so isolated and lonely. Not a single one of my friends stayed home, they ALL work. We live in a very small community were there are no mom groups (they tried but most mom s go back to work and there was not enough people).
So when my DS#2 was 11 wks old I went back to work, and then opened my own busienss in Feb of this year (I am a dog groomer). I could not get zoning for our home and I now work in another twon 30 mins away.
Money is much better. My mother babysits (has its ups and downs) and I pay her an arm and leg for daycare but appreciate it.
But once agian I am miserable. the house is a huge mess, I am physically tired. I feel like I am missing my kids childhood.
I am thinking about fighting my town again with zoning we were denied the first time due to one neighbor, he has since passed away.
I wonder if working from home is the answer. I am tired of feeling torn and unbalanced. Plus we want more children.
Advice please!!
Running Woman
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 10:26am
Is your problem more about not enough time, not enough money, or not enough help? It certainly doesn't sound like you have enough of either to consider another child right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 10:30am

>I wonder if working from home is the answer. I am tired of feeling torn and unbalanced. Plus we want more children.
Advice please!!<

Ok, you asked for it. Working from/at homoe isn't the answer to wanting to be with your kids more or the answer to a cleaner house. Wah can require childcare and will require help with maintaining the house. Whether you use family members (dh, older siblings, etc) to acomplish these two things or use paid outside help, is up to you. Clients, no matter your ah business, aren't going to be happy with paying you to be with your children. Having a young child answer the phone or the door during "business" hours doesn't project a business atmosphere, for example. And, regardless of it being relevant or not, the condition of your house will reflect how your ah business is perceived by potential clients/customers.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 1:08pm

All great points. the business will be housed in one part of the house, we have a good size addition we do not use on the house. I would have a separate phone line that is only answered in the evening, the rest of the time it would go the answering machine, when Dh is home and I am able to go there and talk with no interuptions. So there would be no children answering the phone! (could you imagine!) Presently I do not even answer the phone while I am grooming, takes too long, I have to take th dogs off the table kennel the talk and sometimes you have barkers that make it difficult to hear clearly, so not answering the phone would not be unusal and my message explains why I return calls only and has worked very well so far.

Right now I need to work hard to cover the overhead for the shop, and the babysitting fees and gas. I am doing more dogs then most groomers in my area (the others do 3 a day I do 8-10) so I can make a profit.
Whereas at home I only need to work 4-5 dogs a WEEK! To bring in the necessary funds we would need to afford our lifestyle and a second vehicle. That is only about 4 hours of work a week. And i could work in the evening and on Sat when Dh is home.

My delemma is I am worried i will feel miserable again. I am so torn, there is a part of me that loves my career and job and another part of me that despeartly wants to stay home and have more children (I cannot afford daycare for 3, no way). When I was home before it was the money and the fact that I felt so isolated, I would go over a week without speaking to anyone besides the kids and 10 mins here and there will DH, I was stir crazy, wanted to get out and o somewhere or do soemthing but was never sure what.

I am widnering if working just partime from hom would give me the best of both worlds, I wouldn't be able to 'get out' but I would get that adult interaction with customers, have a little income (I really love my work and I am good at it) and be able to watch my kids grow up. No worries about rent coming and having a slow month.

Doing less dogs I will be less tired physically (I was never this sore or tired when home with both kids). I am out the door at 7:30am every morning and never back before 6pm, too tired to do housework but I need to make supper, feed, bath, put to bed the kids, exercise and care for our dogs, do laundry and books for shop, do our laundry for the family, make lunches, house looks like abomb and I am wiped and literally fall asleep on the couch or whereever by midnight. I do not want to keep living like this!!

I can sell the storefront shop to cover all of our debt.

I want it all (d0n't we all) I do not want to feel regrets. The shop is new and very successful, I don't want o regret selling it either. Hiring another groomer to work there is not an option (too many hassles with labor laws and I already researched that one)

Is this the right answer?? Or will I still feel torn. I do not like to think I am fickle but maybe I am?

Running Woman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 1:17pm

I'd look into trying to get the zoning restriction lifted again if possible. Other thoughts-why dont you set up shop in your own town rather than one 30 min away? Cant you rent space in town somewhere?

Or if your only option is the other town for work, what about tailoring your hours so you only work 3 days a week? I have a friend who is a hairdresser and she works either 2 12 hour days or 3 10 hour days per week. Makes for a long day but then you have those extra days off to do other things.

And lastly, if none of those ideas can work, can you afford to hire a housekeeper at least a couple times a month? Sometimes that can make a world of difference-I think having a comfortable and clean living space is really important, because clutter at home tends to clutter ones mind.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:24pm

It does sound like a workable plan. As for the isolation, because of my part time job at the bridal shop (and extended family, friends, and church) I don't have that problem. And I'm more of a loner anyway. My sister has a home daycare (over 26 years now) and she does stuff with her dogs in the evenings and on weekends to combat the isolation. And she is also an artist so she also has gallery opennings and other artists to socialize with. So I guess that my next advice is to cultivate one or two hobbies so you have more than just dog grooming and kids in your daily life.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 10:25pm
While everyone is different, I am trying to build my at home business while taking care of my 2 year old. My situation is different as that I am able to do my work before he gets up, during naps, and then at night while husband is home. I like it because it is flexible. I am not making as much as a I was full time as a teacher, but my schedule can be made around my child's activities....plus something I think about is...this is temporary. Once they get in school you can do something different.