Empty nest syndrome

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Empty nest syndrome
20
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 10:34am

As I have posted my DD3 left for college last week. Over the last few months I have been posting on an Empty Nest forum board.

There are a lot of ladies (especially this time of year) posting about how devastated they are over their child leaving home.

I see no link to work status. The similaries I do see "They are my best friend, I don't know what I will do without them" and those that were very involved in their child's extra curricular activities, so they not only lost a child they lost that social circle.

I don't reply to those posts because although I do feel for the pain they are going though I cannot relate.

Although I miss my DD, that is over shadowed by my excitment that she is starting this new journey in her life and also a bit of excitement that after 24 years I have worked my way out of that "job".

What are your thoughts on the matter?


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Avatar for 4thekids2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:13am

I hope to feel like you do when my last leaves home but after 5 leaving #6 will probably be a bit hard for me. I will have had kids at home for 28 or more years I may have a big party by that point! At this point imagining the first leaving is strange. I read an article about this just yesterday at the laundrymat(yes I'm still without a dryer,ugh) and it was talking about how to make the change the summer before kids go off to college. I think many of mine will stay home for college at least a couple of years so my adjustment will come more from letting them be adults then seeing them go.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:23am

I'm with you. Although, I do sometimes find myself late at night, thinking that Angela and her friends should be coming home soon. Then I remember that they don't live here anymore. But that's more because she just moved out. I miss doing things like going to lunch, run errands, and generally hanging out and talking. But I don't miss being their parent. If that makes sense. I enjoy and miss their company and friendship as an adult. I still do those things with Erica but not as regularly as with Joy nor do I see her as regularly as I did Angela. And, of course, we still have Dylan at home so we aren't empty nesters yet.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:24am
I don't that that I activley had to make a change. It just kind of happened as they aged. DD3 expcially was very active in school activities outside of of school hours. It was normal for her not to be here for dinner for much of her senior year. Then the job that she got a few months before school got out meant working weekends and some evenings. There were many days when I would only see her for a few minutes. I would get home from work about 4:30 and she had to be to work at 5:00. So she would generally be in the shower when I got home we would say hi/bye and off she would be.

It is hard to relate when your kids are young. You are used to them always being around but by the time they get into their late teens they often have very independent lives so it is not the huge transition from alway being there to never being there but more of a gradual transisiton of being around less and less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:26am

By the time that Dylan leaves, we will have been parenting for over 40 years.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:29am

It's almost like having a roommate or a boarder by the time that they are in their late teens and into their 20's. On the other hand, I am really enjoying the adult relationship/friendship that has devloped as they entered adulthood.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:30am
I agree on both counts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:34pm

This was my experience also. It was a gradual thing, as I think it should be, for my kids to move on. IMO, if you are too involved in the late teen years you are setting yourself up for empty-nest syndrome. I think going away to college is much less stressful for everyone involved if the young person has developed a lot of independence before they leave.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:37pm
Totally personality driven. My boss has been a wreck for months about this, and another woman of similar professional stature isn't thrown at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 2:20pm

I have a sister going through something like this. Her kids haven't left yet but they're old enough that they have told her they don't want her hanging around with them. She's devastated. Her entire life has been those kids since they were born and now, in her own words, she has no life. She has nothing for her. She's having a very hard time.

She's a MSAHM and is now facing a personal crisis because the thing she valued herself for is disappearing and she has nothing else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 3:14pm

Each time one of the girls have left home, it really affects dh hard. This time around, I was of no help at all as I kept pointing out that we weren't losing a dd but gaining a sewing room.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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