Expectations on your children...
Find a Conversation
Expectations on your children...
| Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:56pm |
Wrt their working status/parenting as an adult?
If you SAH, will you encourage your daughter (or son) to do the same? How would you feel if they chose different from the path you have taken as a parent?

Pages
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
I didn't realize you'd lost your mother....you have my condolences.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
As usual, you all continue to be in my prayers.
Let's take your example of requiring an oil painting or sculpture. This does not encourage the would-be inheritee to get in touch with her creative side in order to get the money. But it DOES encourage her to throw together something that technically qualifies as a painting or sculpture in order to meet the condition.
The problem with contingencies, whether they be for a degree or for a piece of art, is that they send the message to the would-be inheritee that the thing in question (degree, art) is done for somebody else, not for themself. If they WANTED to sculpt, they don't need your bribe to do it. And if they don't want to, the only creativity expressed will be how little effort they can put into this thing they didn't want to do and still qualify for the money. When you try to point out to the inheritor that you just want them to use their creative side, what you are actually pointing out is that the plan they have chosen for themself (which includes no art, in this example) is not worthy in your eyes. And that breeds resentment.
Late blooming isn't a bad thing. . .as long as late bloomers realize that early bloomers aren't wrong or crazy. . .and vice versa.
If all the flowers of a garden bloomed at the same time, the garden would be beautiful for such a short, short time. . .good gardeners mix early, mid-, and late blooming plants for color, texture, and beauty throughout the seasons.
Virgo
Forgive me for asking, don't you have a somewhat similar situation?
Where it gets questionable is when the daughter is no longer a child and there is no further reason to try to control her behaviour. She's been raised. Mission accomplished. But trying to steer the behavior of an adult- while perfectly common- will breed resentment in that adult and that adult is likely to react with shutting said person out of their life. If the adult child's plans and the parents' plans happen to dovetail- then that's super and everybody is happy. But if the adult is told "I don't like who you married (the contingency of past times) or what your job is or that you are a SAHM" the likely response is...Bye, see you never, mom.
Pages