Expectations on your children...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Expectations on your children...
958
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:56pm
Wrt their working status/parenting as an adult?

If you SAH, will you encourage your daughter (or son) to do the same? How would you feel if they chose different from the path you have taken as a parent?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:16pm
>>No reputable or marginally smart employer wants employees using that kind of brute strength. Jobs that are that physically taxing guarantee injuries and Workers Compensation claims.<<

If jobs that are physically demanding guarantee injuries and WC claims, wouldn't this support the argument that an employer would hire the stronger individual? The one more capable *physically* of performing the work sans injury?

More likely than not, this would be a man. Not in every case, but in most of them.

FTR - by saying this I'm not calling women "inferior", I'm just being honest. An average woman is more limited *physically* than an average man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:17pm
Yes, inheritances have historically come with strings attached and historically the most common string was a "suitable" marriage. Also, historically and around the world today, it has been and is accepted that parents can and will chart the course of their childrens' adult life- for their own good. That this common thing is NOT the norm in the U.S. is a slap upside the head for many immigrant parents.

The fact that lots of cultures have and still do given parents the means to control their childrenns' adult lives doesn't mean it's a good idea. When does it stop being a good idea? When the family in question is living in a culture where it is NOT the norm and so the adult children have the option of completely ignoring their parents' attempts at control and will often just do what they do with no regard at all to the parents' plans. Wise parents will invest a lot of time trying to convince their kids of the wisdom of a particular course but will step back if their children choose a different path. Not-so-wise parents will not stop at selling the concept but will try to bribe, cajole, threaten or guilt-trip their kids into following a particular path. The problem there is that if the kid hasn't been convinced by 18+ years of parental insistence that this (college, whatever) is the best way, bribes and guilt-trips wont change their minds. They have to BELIEVE that it is the best path, not just pretend to follow it to get the $ and get mommy to shut up.

In the U.S. and some other countries, parents don't hold all the cards. In fact, parents only hold one card after age 18...money. Children hold the other card which is really the trump card...their willingness to include their parents in their lives after the age of 18.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:20pm
Ain't that the truth!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:23pm
How would your father have viewed a decision on your part to forfeit the education he was offering, and start making babies at 18?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:24pm
Just exactly what is it about carpentry that you think requires a huge amount of strength? And if it does require a large amount of strength, like Jorvia says, it's properly done using equipment or more than one person anyhow, so, so what if it's one or more women doing it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:27pm
Me too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:30pm
You must really be a barrel of laughs at parties. Are you not capable of answering a straight-forward question?

You seem to have an idea that girls are not automatically expected to get educated and be able to support themselves. This has not been my experience. Why do you have this perception? I can't answer that question, because I haven't lived your experiences and your experiences seem to have been so unlike my own that I really am curious to know. So I'll ask again:

"is this a perception of yours based on how you grew up or the area you live in? Or do you really see this as a universal societal expectation (ie that boys have careers but girls should preferentially just stay at home)? "

Naturally, if there is something embarrasing about your childhood or current situation so that you don't feel you discuss your experiences with regard to this topic.......


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:30pm
What on earth would a carpenter need to do with a jackhammer?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:36pm
The adult children have every opportunity to make their own decisions. And as an adult myself, I will retain every right to make my own decisions, in this case, specifically, wrt my money. My adult children are going to have no more defacto right to my disposable income, than do my young children. I won't give either child the thousands a year we spend on their activities now - to do with as they please. I won't be willing to do that, at any point. I'll always have a few decades worth of life experience over them and I'll view the nature of their choices, in terms of that. Education and otherwise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:41pm

Here's an instance ...


Construction worker/carpenter needs to pour a small slab of cement. Not enough for a cement mixer, just a wheelbarrow will do. However, said carpenter can't carry the 50lb bag of mix from the truck to the front porch of the house. Has to have someone else do it.


Or, carpenter needs to cut an 8ft 4x4 .. but can't carry it from the truck to the work area.


There are some things that just need strength (not to mention arm span and height) that tools can't substitute for.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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