Expectations on your children...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Expectations on your children...
958
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:56pm
Wrt their working status/parenting as an adult?

If you SAH, will you encourage your daughter (or son) to do the same? How would you feel if they chose different from the path you have taken as a parent?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:03am
Then being highly formally educated was right for you. What if it isn't right for your children? Will you force it upon them or hold money over their heads to bribe them into taking a path that they would not have chosen themselves? IMO, such controlling behaviour is not in anyone's best interest. Most people, obviously not yourself, but most people want their children to go to college so that they can get a good job. The dialogue in this thread has been wrt girls getting an education so that they are not dependent on a man. My point is that such thinking is highly erroneous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:06am
<<>>

In the context of this thread, that is the point to the college education. BTW, I am totally in favor of a college education and I expect my children will attend. If they don't, I will surely not write them out of my will though! I am going to trust that I raise them well enough that they will make good decisions - for them - not to please me or win the jack pot.






iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:10am
Oh, there is even more today, but don't get me started. I'm trying to take the high road, but it is going to be tough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:18am
I oh so agree with you! My grandfather did put contigencies upon one uncle's inheritance. Simply because he was a total alcoholic and inheriting a large sum of money would likely have killed him. His inheritance was put into a trust fund and provided to him in monthly installments. Smartest thing Grampa could have done for him. Uncle is now 80 living in an extended care facility in comfort. Grampa died 20 years ago. Uncle would surely have been close behind him. He actually got clean and sober a few years after Grampa's death and always expressed his gratitude for Grampa taking care of him. There are instances where conditions may be applicable - but IMO only when the adult is not capable of making their own decisions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:23am
Particularly because we were speaking of a *master* carpenter. I can't imagine a *master* would be jack hammering cement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:29am
I think the real point is...

If anyone *wants* to be a carpenter, an operah singer, furniture mover, or piano player, ANYONE can learn the skills required. To say that a girl *can't* become a master carpenter, or isn't likely to be able to is ludicrous and selling the girl short. Reminds me of another issue with our d/c provider. My dd has a minor disability. Without getting into the details she has difficulty hopping on one foot and has poor balance. Her greatest desire is to be a ballerina. Her d/c provider told her not to wish something that is not realistic. I couldn't believe it! She may never be a famous ballerina, but she damn well *can* be if she chooses to put in the time and the effort to do so. BTW, I only learned of this when dd was to the doctor to determine if she needs to have surgery (which we don't know yet). She told the doctor that it doesn't hurt and she doesn't mind except that "Roxie told me its not realistic to wish to be a ballerina".

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:37am
No. On all our policies each other was the sole beneficiary. In the event that I was not alive the proceeds would divided equally between the FOUR children. We each have a child from a former marriage and two together. I have already assured xw (w for witch) that I will continue to make the CS payments. I love my dsd and absolutely consider a member of my family. She will always be taken care of. The real point is that CS has not actually been owed for a couple of years. Dsd is living common law with her bf who makes well over 75,000 per year. She is self sufficient. Dh continued to pay b/c she is in university. He could likely have had the Order revoked b/c she is no longer dependent. She is not entitled to 1/3 of any insurance - not until I am dead - and then she is entitled to 1/4. X witch thinks because my dd is not his child, she should not be entitled to any $$ resulting from dh's death. I agree, but not because she was not his biological child. Simply because it goes to the children AFTER my death - ALL of the children (and grandchild)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:45am
Your narrow views on how one can earn a living is proof in the puddin' for me that a univeristy education does NOT neccessrily broaden EVERY student's horizons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:49am
Yup, most men indeed do have greater upper body strength than most women. No question about it. But, any woman who desires to be a master carpenter CAN be a master carpenter. Upper body strength and who is stronger is totally irrlevent to the equation. Totally. If my skinny little girl wants to be a master carpenter (which in my mind entails finishing wood work, but can mean anything you wish), and if that career choice is going to require brute strength - well then... I guess she has some working out to do, but I'll be damned if anyone is going to convince my skinny little girl that she CAN'T do anything she sets her mind to. Each and every human being is only limited by the limitations they impose upon themselves - or drilled into their heads by negative parents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 3:06am
Cabinetmaking is more than cosmetics. The precision required in cabinet making is also an integral part of the stability and strength of the cabinetry. My maternal grandmother was a master cabinetmaker. He retired in the early 70s and died in 79. the homes in which he installed cabinets still to this day *list his workmanship* when they list the homes for sale--man's been dead 20+ years, but the quality of his workmanship has far surpassed that.

the home he built for my grandmother still has his original cabinets in the kitchen; they are now more than 60 years old and just as sturdy and strong as they were the day he installed them. Quality cabinet work is MUCH MUCH more than cosmetic.

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