Expectations on your children...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Expectations on your children...
958
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:56pm
Wrt their working status/parenting as an adult?

If you SAH, will you encourage your daughter (or son) to do the same? How would you feel if they chose different from the path you have taken as a parent?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 9:29am
What about on the way to becoming master carpenter?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 9:44am
Nobody literally gives adult children access to their money. I do not have an ATM card that will get me into my parents' account. What this is about is money given as a gift or inheritance but only if the adult child does some specific thing first. This treats them as children because it says that they can't be trusted to make decisions for their own good even when they are adults. The money is used as a bribe to get the adult children to do some particular thing.

Of course graduation gifts are only given to those who graduate. And wedding gifts are only given to those who get married. And you could say those are gifts with contingencies because one must do a particular thing to be given the money. I think it's all in the presentation. Parents don't generally say "I'll give you 500$...but only if you get married". Instead, they wait to be given news of the engagement and only after that do they start talking about wedding gifts. So the money is not held out as an incentive to get married because the parent thinks that marriage is in the best interests of the child and financial incentive is a way to encourage them to do it. I think timing and presentation make the big difference between a gift and a bribe. A gift that is only given after something has been done is still just a gift. But money that is discussed as a reward for doing something that the person would otherwise not have done is a bribe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 9:50am
Who said the older student had kids? I certainly didn't at 23, when I was studying madly. I absolutely agree that it's much harder with kids ( though my Dad did it and so did FIL), but waiting a few years till you know exactly what that degree should be in does NOT imply that you are therefore also saddled with children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 10:16am
What is excessively heavy for me isn't excessively heavy for my husband. Yet I am a relatively strong woman and he's an average strength man. The shift that includes a minor heavy lifting component for him, could well be an entire shift of heavy lifting for me. Just the way it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 10:18am
Those things don't work well on stairs. Which life has taught me, is why God invented MEN.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 10:20am
It doesn't cover the strength requirement. This stuff helps people who can get the job done without, get the job done without destroying their bodies over time. Its not enough to help those who couldn't get the job done in the first place...get the job done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 10:23am
I wish I could remember his name or even what team he plays for, but there is a short man in the NBA. He's a wonderful example of "never say never".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 10:24am
Because Barbie said "math is hard". Besides the social impact of that sort of thing, it also means Barbie herself is not in the field, raising the overall level of competance of the female component that does exist. Stuff which is not socially popular doesn't attract the riff raff. The men in teaching and nursing are probably also really good. Same reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 10:31am

aha ... didn't realize the child in questions was no longer a child.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 10:50am
No, if I have a decent grip on reality I realize that my adult children might turn out to make decisions that I do not support and do not think are wise. Regardless of how they've been raised. I might not even like them much. I'll probably always love them - but like would be a whole nother thing.

Setting conditions upon the terms under which they will have access to my money is not controlling the children, nor is it treating them like children. It is treating them specifically like adults - that would be, people for whom I am absolutely no longer financially responsible, and its treating the money specifically like its mine - that would be, not theirs.

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