Expectations on your children...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Expectations on your children...
958
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:56pm
Wrt their working status/parenting as an adult?

If you SAH, will you encourage your daughter (or son) to do the same? How would you feel if they chose different from the path you have taken as a parent?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:28am
I addressed the realities of the skillset somewhere already.

Being self sufficient is the only thing she can do that will put her in a position of truly not needing her Mom. No wait. There is one other thing. She can murder her husand, get away with it, and collect the insurance money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:29am
C'mon, you're an engineer. Do you really think tools haven't changed over 30 yrs? My dad's mitre saw had a cast-iron base. The base on my new mitre saw is aluminum; it only weighs 14 lbs. I can lift it with one hand. Times have changed, and I know that my dad would have been pleased about that.

The heaviest thing in any cabinetmaker's arsenal is a personal toolbox full of hand tools. My dad would never have gone to a jobsite with a toolbox on wheels, it just wasn't done in his day. In his day you built your own box out of hardwood; Dad's was solid walnut, and it weighed nearly 30 lbs. with nothing in it. Now it is normal to buy metal or fiberglass boxes, complete with wheels. Work trucks have liftgates and ramps now.

The trades have realized that it is economically advantageous to use the newest technology to avoid injury and repetitive stress wherever possible. Roof trusses are now lifted into position with hydraulic lifts or small cranes. Even cabinetry is now often mounted with the aid of a jack. Except in the case of fine handwork, any carpenter who insists on doing everything with 30 yr. old tools is shooting himself (or herself) in the foot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:33am
Or not. There is a definite end point. I know, I've tried. If I work at it for a few months...I can bench 130-135 lbs. And then the progress pretty much stops this side of turning weight lifting into a career. Even then...I don't expect theres much room left. My elbows and fingers and wrists are starting to hurt at that point. More than muscle bears the weight and aside from muscle, a body is largely stuck with what it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:38am
Very seldom, actually, unless you're Amish. Working barns are normally made of metal or cinder block now; it's MUCH cheaper.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:50am

I believe

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:52am

OK so tell me, how do you REALLY feel.?

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:02pm

Yep, but how you view it is subjective. If Bob & Mary grew up in a household where Mom never worked but everyone was perfectly happy, they do not have a lot of incentive to change the dynamics in their own lives.


Those of us who have experienced (or are just very practical about) the DOWNSIDES are more likely to try to adjust the dynamics.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 1:47pm
Hmm. Well. You and your dcp are both digging equally deep black pits into which you are hoping to throw that child's self esteem.

Is your dcp an older woman - that "don't raise the hopes it will just come to disappointment" strategy belonged to my parents generation. How many of me and my adult friends had parent provied shopping lists of what we weren't "good at" by 6 is astounding. Well your dcp has that absolutely minimize expectation for anyone not obviously destined by 6 to be the best in the world end covered.

On the other hand, I don't have much more respect for the more modern parenting techinique - "I'll lead my child to believe that anything they want is possible through no more than their own hard work.". Yeah well, guess what. It isn't. Personal limitation is real and its determined not in terms of personal desire and effort, but in terms of other people's abilities. You are covering the set the child's expectations unrealistically high, pretend the sky is the limit personal ability not withstanding end.

Somewhere in between the destroy all expectation (guarantee a good degree of unnecessary internally imposed failure) and set expectation unrealistically high (guarantee a good degree of unnecessary externally imposed failure) there is a the option for a healthy balance of realistic management of expectation and realistic encouragement.

My daughter's friend is 10 and she has EXAMS in ballet this year. They aren't testing her to see how much she wants to be a professional ballerina, or to see how hard she has tried this year. And there is no way she won't realize how she has progressed in comparison to other students.

At 5, your daughter doesn't need to know about her particular limitations - but you as the parent, would do well to keep a realistic perspective on things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 1:48pm
Articling? Do you mean writing law journal articles? Well, if the person stunk at it, yes, I'd advise not doing it.

An eagerness to do lots of gruntwork usually leads to . . . a lot of people willing to give you, a lot of gruntwork.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 2:23pm

Yes they do.

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