Expectations on your children...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Expectations on your children...
958
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:56pm
Wrt their working status/parenting as an adult?

If you SAH, will you encourage your daughter (or son) to do the same? How would you feel if they chose different from the path you have taken as a parent?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:02pm
He was neither qualified nor legally entitled to work profitably (family supporting level of profitably) in Canada when I met him and just barely legally qualified shortly before we got married...so guess not, eh?

In terms of actual earning potential, he was a risky investment. But in my case, his earning potential was risk capital.

Sorry, guess you didn't really think through your initial response...kind of...gender biased, wasn't it? Women would wisely consider a mans earning potential because that matters ...but flip it and...wait...hmm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:05pm
No it isn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:11pm
Ok well, then he should broaden his horizons at this point wrt the drums.

Anyway, are you telling me the guy isn't musical? Has no ear or rhythm, and has pulled all this off. Incredible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:13pm
Oh, thought you had said in terms of the insurance money, something like you didn't know how important it was to him for you to be able to continue to sah...oh but you just said that again. If you are wealthy, why was it even an issue?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:17pm
Again I am mystified as to how you draw your conclusions. He should broaden his horizons? How exactly? He aspired to be a drummer and succeeded. I'd say his horizons are fairly broad. And where did I say he had no talent? I would assume that anyone with such a strong desire in a particular field, likely has some talent. Not many piano players or drummers out there who are not musical. What is incredible, is that he pulled this off in spite of being told repeatedly that he couldn't. What is incredible is that he is a prime example of where there is a will, there is a way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:23pm

Let's throw in a little reality. My sister lives in

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:24pm
Ah, so you agree. While he may not have been making much money when you married him, you were willing to consider him as an investment. That's precisely the kind of thing I mean when I say "interested" and "capable" of making $.

You're making an incorrect assumption that there is something gender biased about my statement. I do think it applies both to men and women. Both sides are being foolish if they don't *consider* who is contributing/capable and willing to be contributing, what to finances. That doesn't mean that either party is being foolish if the other party's expected dollar contribution is a great big zero - just as long as they aren't going to have resentment or control issues over that, and take steps to provide for the possibility of divorce/death/disability.


Edited 6/10/2004 12:43 pm ET ET by cocoapop

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:31pm
It wasn't an issue - that is the point. I can't truly explain what he was thinking and sadly I can't ask him, but I can make some educated guesses. My income is derived from investment returns. I am heavily invested in real estate and in insurance products. To continue to profit from said investments, I work at it. I go out and view properties, I make offers on properties, I hire contractors to renovate properties, I flip some and I rent some out. I employ property managers who do the day to day management of those rental properties, but I do need to keep up on them as well. I attend seminars and classes etc etc. My husband wanted to ensure that there was enough money that I wouldn't need to do those activities. You must also understand that my children are only 4 and 6 years of age. I am 42. I could quite conceivably live another 42 or more years. He wanted to give me the option of not working at all - is my guess. I will repeat for you, that I do not NEED the insurance money, but it certainly could impact my decisions in the future.

Edited to add:

When my husband took out his own individual policy, I was a WAHM. I did the investing mentioned above and I also had my own small business as a financial advisor. When I went back to work as a child welfare social worker on a temporary basis (not for the money but to help out due to a staff shortage)I didn't do 1/2 as much work in that business. After his accident, I did nothing in that business. It did take up much of my time and energy - particularly coupled with my other activities. I believe he wanted to ensure that I was free to spend my time and energy on my children if he would no longer be here to assist with raising them.


Edited 6/10/2004 12:48 pm ET ET by it_is_me_again

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:42pm
Indeed let's look at reality! Bookkeeping was but ONE of the skills she has identified. And just because this woman you know works for peanuts does make that every bookkeeper's reality. Pardon me for taking the woman at face value. She says she can and will support herself should she need to - I have no reason not to believe her. I think she has demonstrated that she is no dummy. I have every confidence that she is as capable as you or I.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:54pm

It is one thing to THINK you can support yourself, and another to DO IT.

Mondo

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