Extra Money and Extra Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Extra Money and Extra Time
452
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:31pm
A couple of boards back I asked, and cobaltblue2002 answered, this. I'd like input from everyone.

Why do some people think WOHMs are greedy and materialistic if the WOHMS want to work or work FT, partly to have a financial cushion (I know this does not apply to all WOHMS' financial situations), but the same people think nothing of SAHMs staying home, partly because the SAHMs like more time at home, with children, with hobbies, etc. than other people?

In other words, is more or "extra" time an honorable reason to SAH, but working to earn more than the basic necessities somehow not honorable?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 9:30am
But again, you are assuming the two are mutually exclusive. They aren't. You can value a financial cushion and value time with your kids. Many of us here want, and have, both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 3:37pm
Nice try, but no cigar....my dd's ADD was not going to go away, no matter how long I was prepared to keep her in daycare. It didn't work, Cindy. I know that is very hard for you to understand, but regardless of what I wanted (which was to be studying or working full time) it didn't work. For some people, it is not in the best interests of their children to have them in alternative daycare. And any parent who knows that their child is being *damaged* (I'm not talking about being a bit unhappy, I'm talking about their development or health being compromised) and who keeps that up for months because of what *they* want to do as a 'lifestyle choice' and not necessity...well, I don't think much of parents like that.

Feeding my kids is necessary for their health, staying home with the older two in the first few years of their lives, was a necessity. Neither are a lifestyle choice, unless you consider caring for your child's health and development a lifestyle choice.

And it *did* make a difference. Those foundation years at home with the combination of exposure to group situations helped prepare eldest dd for the rigors of school and the pressure that would put on her ADD, and set a good stage for managing it, rather than having it overshadow our lives completely.

You could always call me a liar, of course. Because that's the only recourse you have left. One day you will have to admit, sah is sometimes the best way.

pax

Jane

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 4:18pm
Did his ADD go away because you SAH??? I doubt it. YOU just find it easier to deal with his issues with you at home. It's still your prference. Oh, and I understand about ADD. I grew up with a brother who is ADHD. Our mom worked and he is none the worse for the wear. Conditions such as this don't dictate our working status.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 6:07pm
Hmm, some of us have both. I have a financial cushion *and* time with my kids. Some of us don't view it as all one or the other. I know lots of people hate this term, but many of us find a good "balance" of both.
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 6:17pm
But the original post said "Why do some people think WOHMs are greedy and materialistic if the WOHMS want to work or work FT, partly to have a financial cushion..."

Depends on the definition of "financial cushion" I suppose. I completely agree with you about a WOHM "needing" 10k to support the family and using the rest of the 40k to have fun or buy "things." I was referring to the WOHM whose salary is not a necessity at all. There may not be a high percentage of those types of WOHMs, but I stand by my opinion that, when it comes to them, there's a huge difference between their working and my wanting to spend more time with my kids.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 6:23pm
It's better for ME because I get to spend more time with my kids. If I had the choice (which I do) of working full time and getting the perk of having my house cleaned and SAH with my kids and cleaning my house myself, I'd do exactly what I'm doing. I guess SAH wouldn't be better for you. I'm not more honorable for my choice, it's just something I want--more time with my kids.

Hey, you work. You most likely make more than you need to sustain your family's lifestyle. You can do whatever you want with the extra money. I don't look down upon you at all. I just don't see having someone else clean my house as perk enough to work full time. And, by the way, the days I work are far more relaxed than the days I'm home. And I'm not sure how you could judge me for wanting to be with my kids.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 6:27pm
I never said the kids lose out because a mom WOH for extras. *I* prefer to spend time with my young kids and would choose to do so over having a boat. I'm pretty sure they'll still be selling boats when they're older.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 7:28pm
It's nice when life lets you pick what you prefer.




Edited 3/29/2003 8:52:20 PM ET by cyndiluwho

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 7:58pm
Actually, my dd is a she.

No of course the ADD didn't go away. But it was much better controlled, and therefore didn't interfere as much with her social and intellectual development as it would have if I'd not SAH as much as I did. Learning disorders are quite common in children with ADD - I was able to help her manage her symptoms to the extent that she had no such difficulties at all. According to you I suppose we should have just put her in the centre, just lived with the consequences, and to hell with her development or, gasp, happiness?? *She* found it easier to cope with it when I was at home, *she* needed the flexibility, the intense one on one time, the space and the care that the daycare centre or indeed, any child care provider, was *not* set up to provide, unless I could have paid for a qualified special needs child nurse to come and sit in my own home.

Your presumption, your *audacity* that you might be able to make long distance judgements on my ability to assess and manage the special needs of my daughter based on 'my brother had ADD' is absolutely *breathtaking.* If you could for one moment step outside of your own experience and understand that not only is the universe not defined by you, it is experienced differently by other people, you might develop a little empathy for other people's situations. Your *arrogance* that you know better than other parents about what might or might not be best for their children is astounding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 9:35pm
you sound so like me. i send whatever im told, and if im not told, we figure it out. i dont want my kids not participating in the contribution end of it either. i was a room mother when i sah and when i woh/pt. it was not difficult for me at all and im not as organized as i would like to be. if the list wasnt provided, i asked for it and actually called moms and delegated *everything* out. never really had a problem, as the parents just wanted to be asked, and didnt always want to organize. i find more people would rather be followers than leaders, when sometimes the leaders job is easiest. notice i said sometimes!! no backlash plz. LOL.

Pages