Extra Money and Extra Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Extra Money and Extra Time
452
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:31pm
A couple of boards back I asked, and cobaltblue2002 answered, this. I'd like input from everyone.

Why do some people think WOHMs are greedy and materialistic if the WOHMS want to work or work FT, partly to have a financial cushion (I know this does not apply to all WOHMS' financial situations), but the same people think nothing of SAHMs staying home, partly because the SAHMs like more time at home, with children, with hobbies, etc. than other people?

In other words, is more or "extra" time an honorable reason to SAH, but working to earn more than the basic necessities somehow not honorable?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Pages

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 7:06pm
But ISO didn't say SAH helped her cope. She said it made her dd better. THAT is what I'm contesting as moms working status is unlikely to affect a chld's brain disfunction.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 7:13pm
Yup, and you can to all of that and work too. Which is my point. ADHD does not mandate mom SAH, not by a long shot. My brothers environment was controlled in spite of my mothers working. People who work with ADHD children quickly learn that to not control the environment results in the child being out of control. You haven't stated anything that can't be done and wasn't done my my WOHM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 7:48pm
Maybe *you* and *your mom* could do that and WOHFT. But maybe isobugs can't. And I bet there are plenty of others who can't.

You can't say that *every mom* can do all that and WOHFT. Its an asinine generalization. Iso didn't say that ADHD mandates SAH in all children. She said it was necessary for *her child* and *her*. Who are you to argue unless you were there in her pocket every minute of every day.

You can't base the *world at large* upon *your* experiences.

hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 7:51pm
But what does *better* mean? It doesn't necessarily mean clinical improvement in a brain dysfunction. It can also mean coping better, better management of the symptoms, better management of how those symptoms affect teh child and the child's family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 7:58pm
OT to you cyndi.

What agency does your brother work for? My dh is also a government auditor. He's an internal auditor with the Army Audit Agency.

Just curious ...

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 8:05pm
Isobugs, I apologize if I miss some info here, but is your daughter in school now? And if she is do you feel she is doing as you expected? And when you were both together at home did you have any support from groups or others in the same situation? Or did your daughter attend preschool, maybe even part-time? The only reason I am asking is that I would be a little worried about a child with ADD going from the familiar and controlled environment of the home into the school system without having had any exposure to structured learning/social experiences with other children. You may have incorporated such things into your life, so forgive me for assuming you did not.

I am in no way questioning your decision. It seems to have been a good choice and brought you peace of mind which is always in the best interest of child.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 8:10pm
I'm not saying what she can or can't do. I'm fully aware that different people have different capabilities. I'm arguing against the notion that SAH is a necessity for ADD kids because it makes their condition better. I fully understand mom dealing with situations better either as a WOHM or as a SAHM but that's moms personal preference NOT the child's condition and neither WOH or SAH makes ADD better. I'm sure I can find a few hundred moms with kids with the same manifestation of ADD that ISO's dd has who work and manage quite nicely. It can make it easier on mom but then say that. To claim SAH is necessary for the child is to imply that an ADD child needs a SAHM and that is not true. If YOU deal better with the condition as a SAHM then say "I deal better with my child's ADD as a SAHM" instead of claiming the child is better. Individual differences and what individuals can and cannot handle, I understand. My argument is against the notion that moms working status can make ADD better. Moms working status is irrelevent. My mom did an exceptional job with my, severly, ADHD brother in spite of working full time from the time he was a small baby. I don't believe for one second he would have been better if she had SAH. SAH just didn't mesh with her personality type. There was no need to SAH so mom didn't.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 8:11pm
He works for Customs.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 8:13pm
Actualy, ADHD is one of the things I had to discuss in my paper. The paper is for a special ed class. Next week I have to present on classroom accomodations for, among others, ADD kids. It's one of the special education categories I'm more likely to see.

I'll go finish my paper now and I promise not to come back until it's printed!!!

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 8:34pm
Care to explain how mom SAH can help the child cope better? Sorry, still don't see it. Yes, you need to control an ADD child's environment but that doesn't take a SAHM. It takes a plan and having people around who are willing to help. You need both of those regardless of your working status as ADD is difficult. I can't imagine one person trying to deal with my brother all day and night too. The woman who cared for him during the day was a welcome addition to the plan for dealing with his condition. Then again, my view is tainted here since my brother could not be medicated. That made him more difficult to deal with and necessitated you maintain control of his environment at all times. My brother had other medical issues as well. He had to get GG shots 3 times a week due to a disfunctional immune system. You know, I'm gaining a new respect for my mom as I write this. I mean she dealt with all of his issues, five other kids and still managed to work and pulled it all off beautifully. It never would have dawned on me to think that she should have SAH to deal with his issues.

I do understand individual preferences but there is a difference between saying "I SAH because I deal with my child's condition better" and "I SAH because it makes my child better". If it were that easy to make ADD better, I think doctors would be telling mothers to SAH. Last time I checked, they weren't. Not for my brother or my ss (who was diagnosed ADD but turned out not to be (his problems were emotional not physical stemming from rejection and abuse at the hands of his SAHM. What a way to start your life. Home 24 hours a day with someone who hates you.)) While there are those who have tried to blame ADD on WM's (I posted about one such comment in my secial ed class just a couple of weeks ago) I don't believe anyone has shown that moms working status makes a difference except to the particular mom in question but that's always the case when discussing working preferences.

Pages