Extra Money and Extra Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Extra Money and Extra Time
452
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:31pm
A couple of boards back I asked, and cobaltblue2002 answered, this. I'd like input from everyone.

Why do some people think WOHMs are greedy and materialistic if the WOHMS want to work or work FT, partly to have a financial cushion (I know this does not apply to all WOHMS' financial situations), but the same people think nothing of SAHMs staying home, partly because the SAHMs like more time at home, with children, with hobbies, etc. than other people?

In other words, is more or "extra" time an honorable reason to SAH, but working to earn more than the basic necessities somehow not honorable?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 10:26pm
You might have had that kind of care available - I didn't, therefore I *had* to sah. Unless as well as your universal omnipotence you can also see into a crystal ball and contradict the conditions of daycare available to me!

You know, probably the most offensive thing about your attitude is that this was about *me.* As a single parent, let me tell you, I desperately wanted *not* to be in that situation. I wanted so badly to be working, or studying, anything that would get me out of the grind of the day to day of living with a disturbed odler child and chronically ill younger child. I was twenty one when my husband left me with a newborn baby and a toddler, and it did not suit me at all. I did what I had to do for the sake of my child, and that's what makes your allusions and assertions so ridiculous and unfounded.

pax

Jane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 10:33pm
That's exactly it Hollie - never did I say anywhere that ADD/ADHD is cured by sah, nor did I even imply that sah was universally needed to combat it.

pax

Jane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 12:23am
Uh Cyndi, didnt she *deal with it beautifully* because she had an older dd to pawn off all the household responsibilities on??

I *Clearly* recall your post about how you ran away at age 16 because you were sick of being the built in babysitter......

Oh and I will say unequivically that my dd, who is add (NOT adhd, they are somewhat different you know), has shown marked improvement in school performance and general focusing abilities since I started to sah with her.

I do like the way you choose to always leave out pertinent bits of info so that you may make your *case* stronger though. Good Ploy!!


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:31am
Absolutely! I used to WOH because I had to in order for our family to survive. Since DH's business has started booming, I jokingly said to him, "Oh, I guess I'm now working for all the extras!" But in reality, we probably won't "need" my salary over the next 10 years. It will be used for extras and a cushion. But since I have such a good arrangement with work and since I enjoy going to work, what is the big deal if I just keep on working? We'll enjoy those "extras" as a family (traveling more, either renovating our house or moving to a nicer one with a little more room). How are my kids going to be affected if either DH or I am there for them when they're not in school?
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:38am
So please explain what will be the difference in the children? What's the difference between the kids of the mom that has to work for the extra 10K a year and the kids of the mom who don't need that extra 10K a year?

And why is it all about money? Can you understand that the woman who WOH who doesn't need to financially may need to emotionally just like you "need" to be with your kids for *your* emotional well-being? Why is what you need for your emotional well-being a good reason for you to SAH with your kids, since you've admitted it's for you, but if a WOHM needs to work for her emotional well-being, you view her as "greedy" and wanting to work *instead of* being with her kids? Some women want to work for emotional need, not financial need.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:41am
I don't believe anyone has tried to show that it can affect anything other than the "particular mom in question." But you seem unwilling to admit even that. Iso found that SAH helped her and her ADD child cope better which in turn, made their lives better. But you refuse to admit that something that isn't true, in general, for ADD kids can be true for some ADD kids. Why is it so hard for you to say ... "Wow. That's unusual. In general SAH doesn't aid ADD kids, but it obviously did yours."



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:43am
For me it has been the opposite. For the first 5 years or so after I went back to work the money that I made was for extras and cushion. Now, with one DD in college and one starting next year the money that I make is very much needed.

How is my parenting any different now then then?

If I am at work becuase I want to be or because I have to be does not effect my parenting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:48am
And, again, this is the part of the debate that I just don't get. What is the difference between working because you have to and working because you want to? Why would it be any different for the kids if Mom works because she wants to, rather than because the family can't make it on Dad's income? What possible difference could the *WHY* have on the final outcome?

Personally, I'd think the one who worked by choice, not financial necessity, would be the happier one, because she actually *WANTS* to work, rather than having to.

It sounds to me (in the context of this board) like the ones who want to stay home, but can't afford it, look at the ones who could stay home and don't want to, and get mad because we don't all want the same thing. Because I could afford to stay home, but I just don't want to, that makes me greedy? What a crock.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 8:13am
Yes! And being the child of a WOHM, I can tell you that as long as you're in tune with your child/ren, and as long as you pay attention to them and are involved with them, working status will not make a difference.

My mom and dad both WOH FT when we were growing up (almostfreeof3 is my older sister). Mom and dad were always available if and when we needed them and they were very involved with us as we grew up. They were strict, but loving. I couldn't have asked for a better family life growing up, and I know how blessed I am that I had that. Except when my older sister teased the heck out of me and drove me nuts. ;-)

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 9:46am
First, I never said there's a visible difference in the kids, did I? There's no proof of that, good or bad, so I never go into that anymore. Second, we weren't talking about the mom who works for her emotional well-being, were we? The topic *IS* money.

IN MY OPINION, there's more virtue in wanting to spend time with your kids than in wanting to buy them a new boat--even if that boat is what you enjoy when you ARE spending time with them. Of course, my opinion relates only to people with small children not in school. It's important to realize that I try hard not to generalize here and that, what I say, most of the time doesn't work for moms with older kids. My whole outlook will most likely change once mine are in school.

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