Fewer hours vs. Divided attention
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| Sun, 11-30-2008 - 9:35am |
In another thread, two separate points were made by separate people. One person mentioned (I'm totally paraphrasing here) that it doesn't seem like a few hours a day before and after work would be enough time devoted to spending with your child. Another person mentioned (paraphrasing again) that having lots of children would also prevent the mother from devoting more than a few hours per day per child, if not even less than the working mom.
At first I was thinking that, well, the mother of lots of kids who is with them all the time is *simultaneously* spending time with each of the children. But then again, at what point do we distinguish between "time devoted to child" and "time spent in presence of child"? Assuming that both are caring, responsive mothers, do you feel that someone who SAH with tons of children is likely to be devoting more, equal, or less time to each child than someone who works full-time and has one child?
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Thinking about this and talking it over with Joy, I believe that I have spent more time actively engaged with Dylan as a working parent than I did with each of the girls as a homeschooling sahm. And when they were children, I spent way more time with Erica than with Joy and Angela combined. Their whole childhood revolved around Erica. But, then, that's life with a special needs child. Growing up I never had my parents undivided attention. If I had been an only child, I still wouldn't have had my mom's undivided attention. What I remember of my childhood is my mom "shoving" me out of the house to go play.
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
I'm sure I'd feel like a more attentive parent if I worked and devoted shorter hours to one child than if I SAH with a houseful of kids.
I don't think there is a black or white answer here ... I think sometimes parents DO both work too many hours and don't spend enough time with their kids but I also think it's possible to spend TOO much time with your kids.
I also think each child is an individual with individual needs and this too will vary.
all any of us can do is our best and just love our kids.
"Assuming that both are caring, responsive mothers, do you feel that someone who SAH with tons of children is likely to be devoting more, equal, or less time to each child than someone who works full-time and has one child?"
i think that's hard to judge.
I don't think time is as important as shared interests. (Obviously, I'm talking about kids who are past the baby stage and old enough to have interests.) Any parent, whether working or not, can find something that he or she can do together with each
Honestly, I think the key to raising happy children is based on how much you actually like them. I'm completely serious. I assume that all parents love their children, but it's equally important to like them and find them interesting as people.
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