First child, Can't SAH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
First child, Can't SAH?
44
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 11:55am

Hi

I'm expecting my first child. In my perfect little world, I had always wanted to be a SAHM. We had not planned on having children for three more years, until my husband was done with grad school.

BUT, I'm pregnant now. We have three more years where he will only be earning a graduate stipend, which is simply not enough to live on.

I am a teacher at a community college. I haven't told my boss yet, but I think she may be willing to work with me with my schedule. It's just... I'm feeling this guilt that I can't stay at home all the time. I'm trying to work out a system in my mind where we would only need to hire someone to be with our child, other than us, for three hours in the middle of the day. This is the best ompromise I can see right now.

I just talked with my Mom yesterday, though, and she just made me feel SO guilty. Told me that I severely underestimated how hard it would be to leave my baby, and that I should look at any possible option to stay home. I am just torn up about this.

I already feel like I'm giving up my dream for the time being, then getting criticized on top of it is not helping. Has anyone else been in my shoes?

Christine, married to Micah, loving life with Babygirl Charlotte!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 1:55pm

It sounds like you're finding a compromise that may work well for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 5:18pm

Hello! I also teach at a community college (evenings and weekends). I found out that I was pregnant about 2 weeks after I was hired. The absolute GREATEST thing about working in academia is the flexibility. Definitely talk to your boss ASAP. I started by saying "Well, I apparently have the worst timing in the world. Guess what I just found out..." LOL We worked out a schedule in which I taught 3 back-to-back classes three days a week. So I only needed childcare for those three afternoons. Far from the dismal picture that your mother is painting, I found it an absolutely delightful balance.

So relax and talk to your boss about scheduling! It'll be great! When are you due?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 2:59am
It is really a shame that your mother would tell you that. Of course you worry the first few times you leave your baby with a sitter. It is normal. It is not, however, a reason to turn your whole life upside down. You will be fine and the baby will be fine, you'll see. Being in academia is one of the better places to be with small kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 11:53am

Ladies,

Thank you for your kind and calm replies.

This is my second year working for the school. I currently have a full-time faculty position, which frankly can be hard to come by at community colleges.

When I started looking at part-time and work from home possibilites, I was rather amazed at how much I would have to work for how little money. It makes me feel really blessed to have this job.

I am due June 4th! So I definitely have some time to get this worked out. At only 8 weeks pregnant, we are keeping it quiet to most of the outside world right now. When I hit that 2nd trimester, that is when I will speak to the boss. I really hope that she will be able to work with my schedule.

The college does currently have a requirement for all full-time employees to be on campus 35 hours a week. That will be the hard part when scheduling. But I am teaching my first online class this spring, so I hope that I can maybe work an online class or two into my schedule. Our college allows you to telecommute for the hours you teach an online class.

Thanks, again, ladies. After hearing from you, and especially after sitting down and having a good discussion with my husband, this is seeming more doable. He really thinks he can be home with the little one in the mornings, which is great!

Christine, married to Micah, loving life with Babygirl Charlotte!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 1:34pm
I know you'd like to keep things hush until the end of the first trimester, but your boss will REALLY appreciate having as much time as possible to figure out the fall schedule. See if you can teach a May mini-semester to get some of your summer hours out of the way before the baby comes.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 2:04pm
her op reminded me of your earlier posts before your ds was born and you were deciding what to do too...btw,CONGRATULATIONS!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 2:38pm

Hi Elaine

I do want to be as careful as I can be with my boss, but at this point I feel ok holding off a little on Fall schedule because, well, we did the Spring schedule together last week.

I do not have a contract for the summer. Most at my school don't.

And when I tell her, that will be a good month before the Fall schedule is due.

SO, I want to be respectful of her, but I think I can hang on a little bit longer before initiating the big talk.

It is encouraging to talk with someone who was in a similar situation!

Christine

Christine, married to Micah, loving life with Babygirl Charlotte!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 7:59pm

Can you put in some of your 35 hours by teaching online? It might provide even more flexibility. We have had a number of faculty members bring the baby in to work and hire students to help with the child care.

We are in particularly difficult economic times. Hold on tight to that job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 10:31pm
They'll be 23 months apart. I'm so excited! :-)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 10:38pm
Okay, as long as you give them plenty of time to figure out the schedule, you shouldn't have a problem. When I told my boss, it was no big deal to him at all. He showed me what was available and had me tell him my scheduling preferences. It was a very smooth transition. Everything will work out, you'll see!
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