First child, Can't SAH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
First child, Can't SAH?
44
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 11:55am

Hi

I'm expecting my first child. In my perfect little world, I had always wanted to be a SAHM. We had not planned on having children for three more years, until my husband was done with grad school.

BUT, I'm pregnant now. We have three more years where he will only be earning a graduate stipend, which is simply not enough to live on.

I am a teacher at a community college. I haven't told my boss yet, but I think she may be willing to work with me with my schedule. It's just... I'm feeling this guilt that I can't stay at home all the time. I'm trying to work out a system in my mind where we would only need to hire someone to be with our child, other than us, for three hours in the middle of the day. This is the best ompromise I can see right now.

I just talked with my Mom yesterday, though, and she just made me feel SO guilty. Told me that I severely underestimated how hard it would be to leave my baby, and that I should look at any possible option to stay home. I am just torn up about this.

I already feel like I'm giving up my dream for the time being, then getting criticized on top of it is not helping. Has anyone else been in my shoes?

Christine, married to Micah, loving life with Babygirl Charlotte!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Sat, 12-06-2008 - 11:58pm
I am sorry you are not getting the support you need. Just know that it will all work out in the end. There are plenty of moms that want to work or have to work out side of the home, three hours really isn't bad at all. It is almost like having a date night with you dh. KWIM? ( comparing to length of time of being gone)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 1:14pm
The economy does suck and for

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 3:36pm
but the important thing is that his art and his work is still in his life-- just like I still perform and work at a theater, even though I only occassionaly get paid for performing and the work I do get paid for is mangerial in nature... that art form is still what drives my life.
Yes. We. Can.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 3:04pm
it's got to depend on the field of art though too.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 9:30am
ROFL, it sounds like your mom's the one with the perfect little world, albeit an imaginary one.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 3:23pm
studio musicians can do quite well -- I think pursuing any kind of performing art -- music, theater, dance etc.. is one of the best most wonderful things in the world....

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 12:56pm

My dd is in her first year university studying music (flute).

Deb


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 11:39am
Moms work full time with new babies all the time. I personally could not handle it. Not due to being away from the baby, but just because it would have been too much on my plate. I dont know what schedule your H has, but it sounds like time wise, grad school would be demanding. Then your trying to juggle working, child care, etc on top of taking care of a baby and your other responsibilities. I say you don't know the reality til you do it. But re evaluate your situation to see if there's any way you can SAH if you have a feeling you may get too overwhelmed.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 7:10am
they 're also infinitely smarter than actors and don't have to hear " sorr you're too tall/short/thin/fat/old/young" all day long LOL. I LOVE designers and crew -- when I'm having a rough day at the theater in my office I take off and hide backstage in the production managers office and eat candy with the crew ;-)
Yes. We. Can.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 11:41pm

<>

Only if they are trying to go into an over-saturated area of the arts. Actors may be a dime a dozen, but theatres will hold on to a good lighting technician or scenic carpenter, and there are FAR more people that dream of being an actor than of being the guy focusing the lights on the actors. Heck, if it wasn't for *my* student debt, I *could* have been a SAHM right now on DH's salary (he's a theatre technician).

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Edited 11/5/2008 11:43 pm ET by finally.me




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