First child, Can't SAH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
First child, Can't SAH?
44
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 11:55am

Hi

I'm expecting my first child. In my perfect little world, I had always wanted to be a SAHM. We had not planned on having children for three more years, until my husband was done with grad school.

BUT, I'm pregnant now. We have three more years where he will only be earning a graduate stipend, which is simply not enough to live on.

I am a teacher at a community college. I haven't told my boss yet, but I think she may be willing to work with me with my schedule. It's just... I'm feeling this guilt that I can't stay at home all the time. I'm trying to work out a system in my mind where we would only need to hire someone to be with our child, other than us, for three hours in the middle of the day. This is the best ompromise I can see right now.

I just talked with my Mom yesterday, though, and she just made me feel SO guilty. Told me that I severely underestimated how hard it would be to leave my baby, and that I should look at any possible option to stay home. I am just torn up about this.

I already feel like I'm giving up my dream for the time being, then getting criticized on top of it is not helping. Has anyone else been in my shoes?

Christine, married to Micah, loving life with Babygirl Charlotte!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 9:49am

"I like walking out the door at 6pm and walking back in at 9pm, MWF, having earned in under 10 hours a week what a minimum wager would have to work over 40 hours a week to earn, and having the entire day to spend with my kid."


Why is the relevant comparison for you what a person making minimum wage would earn?


"So if you were to look at just what I earn total, it would look depressingly small compared to your income. But compared with the freedom I have to spend my ENTIRE daylight hours as I see fit, it's priceless.


People don't go into academia for the money. The go into it for the scheduling freedom."


Acknowledged and understood.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 9:11pm

<>

Because most jobs that I would qualify for outside academia would be minimum wage or near-minimum wage jobs. Let's hear it for a liberal arts education, LOL.

Photobucket

pregnancy calendar








Photobucket

Photobucket




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 8:28am

The business major asks "How much will it cost?"


The engineering major asks:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 2:08pm
I agree it's hard to leave your baby but sometimes you don't have a choice. I'm upset everyday at the fact that I can't be a sahm. And it's not like I'm working for "luxeries." Right now with both mine and dh's income we still need my parents' help to pay for groceries and we're in an apt. because we can't afford a house. If I stayed home we'd be in living in a tent and going trhrough trashcans for food.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 6:03pm

Wrong -- the liberal arts major will talk about the imagery of the french fry, then we will have a conversataion about the cultural significance of the fry and perhaps reference oral traditions that feature french fries and how they grew into madrigals of the sixteenth century.

then you will get your fries and the liberal arts majors will happily go back to their coffee and volummns of John Donne, Elizabeth Bishop, and perhaps some Wallace Stevens for good measure.

all kidding aside I don't wish anything BUT a wonderful liberal arts education for Liza -- what a fabulous gift to learn and explore and discover for four years. I wouldn't have traded it for all the tea in china.

Jesus was a

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 7:28pm

LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 8:12pm

I know it is hard to do, but you have to try ignore these comments or just don't talk about anymore. I know it is sad that others can't just listen instead of putting in their negative feelings.

No matter how much you plan in life things sometimes don't turn out how you imagine and you have to do whatever works and is best or second best in some cases.

When we have children we have all these things in our minds about what we would like and so forth and they often get turned upside down. You just do the best you can and I wish you all the happiness.

Enjoy each and every moment you have with your child. It is not the quantity of time, but the quality of time you spend with them. Remember that whether you work or not.

Trish :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 4:51pm
LOL! DH was valedictorian of his high school and got his MFA in theatre arts. When he took and aced the GRE, a friend of ours said "Wow! You're going to be the smartest waiter EVER!" LOL
Photobucket

pregnancy calendar








Photobucket

Photobucket




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 4:54pm
LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 5:45pm
I think it is great you are trying to figure out a solution. You have to do what is best for you and your family and you will work it out!

SAHM mom of 3!

I love parentng articles at