First child, Can't SAH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
First child, Can't SAH?
44
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 11:55am

Hi

I'm expecting my first child. In my perfect little world, I had always wanted to be a SAHM. We had not planned on having children for three more years, until my husband was done with grad school.

BUT, I'm pregnant now. We have three more years where he will only be earning a graduate stipend, which is simply not enough to live on.

I am a teacher at a community college. I haven't told my boss yet, but I think she may be willing to work with me with my schedule. It's just... I'm feeling this guilt that I can't stay at home all the time. I'm trying to work out a system in my mind where we would only need to hire someone to be with our child, other than us, for three hours in the middle of the day. This is the best ompromise I can see right now.

I just talked with my Mom yesterday, though, and she just made me feel SO guilty. Told me that I severely underestimated how hard it would be to leave my baby, and that I should look at any possible option to stay home. I am just torn up about this.

I already feel like I'm giving up my dream for the time being, then getting criticized on top of it is not helping. Has anyone else been in my shoes?

Christine, married to Micah, loving life with Babygirl Charlotte!
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 9:45pm

the perception that careers in the arts are either fame or poverty is very wrong -- there are so many wonderful wonderful fulfilling stable jobs in the middle that it's mind boggling. I actually can't think of anything I'd wish MORE for Liza than her for her to major in theater --

ironically we went to see HSM3 today and there's a whole subplot about getting into Juilliard and she asked me what it was and I was explaining it to her and she said "where is this magical place and how come you didn't tell me about it before?" um...cuz you're NINE? LOL

Jesus was a

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 4:54pm

There are a lot of people in the arts who are starving artists too.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-04-2008 - 7:38am

I would rather 100 thousand times over that Lia be a starving struggling actor and be happy than a well off corporate drone and be miserable. my parents never ever discouraged me from going into theater and I found my own path that gives me freedome to create and perform and the ability to earn a decent living -- I have every confidence liza will find hers. I can't think of a better more perfect world than theater -- and if she has theater in her life in some way she will be happy.

and if she wants to go to juilliard or ADA or Stella Adler or the new school -- I'llfind a way to get her there.

Jesus was a

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 11:41pm

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Only if they are trying to go into an over-saturated area of the arts. Actors may be a dime a dozen, but theatres will hold on to a good lighting technician or scenic carpenter, and there are FAR more people that dream of being an actor than of being the guy focusing the lights on the actors. Heck, if it wasn't for *my* student debt, I *could* have been a SAHM right now on DH's salary (he's a theatre technician).

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Edited 11/5/2008 11:43 pm ET by finally.me




Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 7:10am
they 're also infinitely smarter than actors and don't have to hear " sorr you're too tall/short/thin/fat/old/young" all day long LOL. I LOVE designers and crew -- when I'm having a rough day at the theater in my office I take off and hide backstage in the production managers office and eat candy with the crew ;-)
Yes. We. Can.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 11:39am
Moms work full time with new babies all the time. I personally could not handle it. Not due to being away from the baby, but just because it would have been too much on my plate. I dont know what schedule your H has, but it sounds like time wise, grad school would be demanding. Then your trying to juggle working, child care, etc on top of taking care of a baby and your other responsibilities. I say you don't know the reality til you do it. But re evaluate your situation to see if there's any way you can SAH if you have a feeling you may get too overwhelmed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 12:56pm

My dd is in her first year university studying music (flute).

Deb


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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 3:23pm
studio musicians can do quite well -- I think pursuing any kind of performing art -- music, theater, dance etc.. is one of the best most wonderful things in the world....

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 9:30am
ROFL, it sounds like your mom's the one with the perfect little world, albeit an imaginary one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 3:04pm
it's got to depend on the field of art though too.